Wednesday Confessional

Well its been awhile so why not..

1. I hate halloween - always have ... the ONLY part of me who likes it is the makeup artist in me who really just wants to paint faces and send them out to where ever they may be headed then grab a glass of wine the popcorn and a Netflix sess.

2. I STILL have a Netgally book I am trying to hard to get into - I just can't it is too predictable - to maddening at how "paint by numbers" the story is. At this point, I think its just going to get a half review and a disclaimer that I could NOT finish it. right now its only use, is as a tool to battle insomnia if it were not on my kindle I would have thrown it by now.

3. I am tired all day, get to the evening still tired - go lay down and its like oh just kidding let's go over all the catchy song lyrics from the last 20 years ..... you spin me right around....... FML 

4. I now really understand Oliva's (Scandal) wine and popcorn dinners - at the end of the day, the LAST thing I want to do is cook. What I WANT to do is kick off my shoes and sit on the couch.  A lot of times a peanut butter sandwich wins - what??? It's handled...

5. I cut off all my nails - now I can't type or text...

6. my Netflix "because you watched" section looks like I am a 14 year old ... I am not sorry.

7. I am low key pissed the stuff I pin on my Pinterest doesn't just go into my closet.

The things that have made me laugh lately

Wednesday Confess Sess

It's been a minute since I have done one of these ..


I am opting out of the haunted float trip - haunted houses are not my thing - I'd rather explore an actual haunted house and study the paranormal than to pay someone to jump out and scream at me.

By midweek I am tired as hell - but I can NOT seem to go to bed before 10 pm. Dang it I'm not twelve I don't wanna go to bed at 9!

I can not stand when someone speaks to me as though I am a child who does not understand something. I spent the better part of an hour on the phone yesterday going round and round with a young man who was hell-bent on telling me I had it wrong. Nope, come to find out had he just LISTENED and not spoken down to me.... I was correct.

Friends can break your heart just as much as a lover can. Unlike a lover, however, a lot of times that hurt will not heal.

I love the Kardashian's - Khloe is my favorite. I don't even call it a guilty pleasure anymore - eff that life is short - like what you like.


I just started watching Game of Thrones - I know I am really late to that party.. *Shrugs*

I have a book I am reading for a review - I can not seem to get into. I need to - the review is due, the book is being released into the wild soon - I .... Just..... Can't...... Get ..... Into.....It

Confess Sess

Its Wednesday's confessional..

I must say I am enjoying my job change.  For the first time in a long time I actually took a lunch, left the office and went and picked up a salad. Came back and ate it while reading a few chapters of my newest book on my kindle in the cloud.

I have been jamming to Prince in my office all day.  I've been looking for the rarer CD's and am pretty proud of my acquisition of the Gold Experience its been out of circulation for a long time and even when it was new it was a limited release.

I started reading the first book of The Preston Six - its pretty good - Thankfully the rest of the books are on Kindle as well and are pretty easy on pricing.

It's rained so much lately I've wondered when I moved to Seattle and someone forgot to tell me.

I'm looking forward to my 4 day weekend - I took Tuesday off as well.

I'm super excited for Through the Looking Glass..

My new office is smaller but somehow feels nicer being cozier - my other office I always felt as though half of it was wasted space.

I am looking for Starwars pictures for the walls.

I need to start decluttering my house - I have a TON Of things my mother decided I needed - I need to NOT feel guilty about purging them. I am not a huge fan of having tons of crap. She is a hoarder who has all of her things ALL off her mothers things - my grandmother died in 1997....

 looked into that KonMarie method - though I am not thanking my things for what they have done for me that day, apparently she thanks her shoes for caring her through the day as she takes them off, her clothes for serving purpose and on and on. I get not keeping anything that doesn't make your heart sing but I draw the line at thanking my shoes..

Dude Wheres My Blog Post....

Wednesday confessions...

I have another hair appointment Saturday - I got fed up and the hair has numbered days.. it shall sleep with the fishes..

I have hit the itchy stage of tattoo healing.... ugh the worst.

I got Raz's ashes back yesterday and had a total meltdown... I seriously miss my kitty. This is the first time in my life there has not been a furbaby in my house.  I am still walking up in the mornings and my first though is careful not to step on the cat....  Not handling this well at all.

I have tickets to the Mackelmoore and Ryan Lewis concert in June.. I CAN NOT wait.

I bought a ring sized for my middle finger .... it says fuck. I can't wait for it to ship..

I joined a virtual race solely based on the finishers medal... Tell me that's not bad ass.. Just 17 more miles to go and its MINE.

Wednesday Confessions on a Deeper Level

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook a few weeks back - and it resonated with me.

Then this morning I read an article on elephant journal titled The Secret Language of Narcissists: How Abusers Manipulate their Victims.

I've always had a really rough relationship with my mother that exploded when I was a teenager. I am supposed to be getting together with her this weekend for my birthday.  Ever since that phone call, which was the first contact in a almost 2 months after I attempted to put some boundaries in place that pissed her off and she got nasty and hung up on me, my anxiety has been mounting.

I truly don't want to see her. I will because well social convention and all.  Its also simply easier to stuff my own anxiety and comfortableness than deal with the emotional blackmail and bullshit she will pull if I don't. Which most often includes calling family members to cry about how I hurt her feelings and hate her. Up to and including my mother in law.

People really don't for the most part get who she really is and the games she plays.  I get told a LOT you should call your mom, shes your MOM  the only mom you'll ever get and one day you won't have her. Then how will you feel.  Uh to be blunt just like I do right fucking now.  Hurt, pissed and abandoned, upset that it could never be anything other than what it is - which is a truly dysfunctional relationship of which no one can even imagine the depths of fuckedupness it possesses.  If they could I'd never get chastised for attempting to set boundaries and breaking off contact. 

This woman has lied to me my entire life about almost everything big shit - like who my biological father was, little shit like if jewelry that was a gift was real. Who's telling her hey do better try harder that's your daughter.. not a damn person.  In the mean time she's running around trash talking to anyone who will listen and re-writing history to suit her.  Anything I have accomplished she has attempted to take credit for, anything bad she either contributed to or decided I did it to spite her.  Like being pregnant at 17, she looked at me and said you did this to me on purpose. Yeah my jaw is still on the floor over that.

Over the years she has both attempted to take all credit for any success and or belittle anything I have done. Everything I have everything I am was in spite of her. My successes are not hers. At one point when asked by an acquaintance what her daughters did my mother ran through one is a CPA and owns her own business, one is an executive at a major corporation, one is no longer able to work due to lupus and this one (pointing to me) talks on the phone all day.  My "talking on the phone all day" translated to working electronic surveillance assisting law enforcement for one of the 4 major cell phone companies. Today if you ask her what I do her answer will also make it sound like I do very little if anything at all, truth of the matter I actually work in the Tech Industry as an executive. She defines it as playing computer games all day. 

Yes I roll my eyes all the cliche sayings about mothers and how you should call them often because you're the only one who knows what her heart sounds like from the inside (insert vomit noise here) and once they are gone you will miss them.  Yes my brain shuts down when you start telling me what I should do and what my responsibilities are as a daughter. You don't know, please stop adding to the guilt I have lived with my entire life because of my mother.  She's the best at guilt trips and I have been on many. One day I hope to unpack the baggage from them all.  Assisting her on sending me on another one does not help.

Well meaning people who are clueless at the damage done and the abuse suffered urge contact and turning the other cheek. Honestly what you are asking is that I ignore me and my boundaries stuff my anxiety in able to ignore me and pretend. You are telling me that her needs and wants are more important than my own which buys into her mind set and fuels her.  No thanks, frankly I think I will just go apologize to my own daughter for not being a better mother simply because I didn't know how to be one. 

Wednesday Confessions

Yay March is here!!! Closer to Spring.  Love warmer weather.

We are on day 17 of the fitness challenge, I've had a couple of hiccups in terms of working out.  Two weekends ago my daughter was in the hospital and then Monday I did something to my foot.  I am finding it easier to get up at 4:30 am to workout than wait until after work.  By the time I am done with work I am DONE.

The scale is moving downward and I need to replace some clothes again.

My Pinterest board looks like I live at the gym and am addicted to lemon and coconut desserts.. OOPS

I am contemplating chopping my hair off again. Looking at wavy bobs.

I pierced my tragus.

Its getting harder and harder to wear dress shoes - hell even Victoria Beckham is wearing sneakers with dress pants..  and at NYFW no less. So there.

I have my next tattoo planned for this Summer. Honestly and the one after that one too!

I totally went to the zoo Sunday just because it was Starwars day.

I have a lot of heavy stuff that is floating around in my head I am debating on blogging about it just to get it out.

Anxiety issues suck ass..

Confess Sess Wednesday

Yep I am super late today - well unless you count not blogging for 2 months then hey its Wednesday and I am here so there's that..

I got the call Monday - my blood work was back and well it sucked. So meds for the next 3 months and a retest. In the mean time I'm changing what I eat and heading back to the gym.. Listen up lower back, behave!

I legit was pissed I had a salad Monday for lunch while I was still ignorant of my actual blood work, I passed up a burger and now its gonna be a minute before I have another... whoomp whoomp.

I am NOT giving up my soy lattes in the morning - because well I suck at mornings.

I am really digging Justin Bieber's new songs - don't judge.

I am already looking at the calendar going is it Spring YET?

I need to change up my background on this blog - what was supposed to be temporary has been there for 6 months or more now.

I saw the NBC headlines for the Friends reunion and then got pissed when I read the article its not a real reunion. Pox on you NBC not funny.  Yeah so its a tribute show for a producer. Cool its NOT a reunion don't play that shit.

Wednesday Confessions

Thrilled to see the linkup running again

I can't wait to see Mockingjay part 2 and Starwars

I haven't been blogging very much because honestly whats been going on is a shit ton of drama and who wants to read that.

I am not looking forward to the Holidays this year because of the aforementioned metric shit ton of drama.

I'm sick of hearing people bitch about this years Holiday cup at Starbucks - for fucks sake people its a damn cup as long as my coffees in it I don't care. News flash not everyone's a *gasp, clutch your peals* Christian!

If Donald Trumps elected I'm seriously considering a 4 year visa to Canada.

I CAN NOT wait until Alice in Wonderland 2: Through the Looking Glass comes out. This is my FAVORITE "fairy-tail" though I must confess its not the traditional story that I love its the dark telling.  I adore twisted fairy tails.

Wednesday Confessions

Monday was beyond stressful - so much so that I took it to the treadmill and hoped I wouldn't have to quit because of my back. For the first time in more than a year I didn't have to stop in the first 5 minutes.

SO close to 10K steps ... Toward the end though my legs were like bitch please what the hell do you think you are doing.

Next weekend I have tickets to Wicked I can't wait.

I was glad The Voice started back up - my absolute fave audition is this one. I've watched it several times now.

I'm sick of hearing about Donald Trump.

Facebook news feeds are giving me the heebie jeebies. I don't really want to read about BK giving people green shit or the details on decapitated babies. Sanctimonious shit people post are also raising my blood pressure. Shit dude if you are gonna lie block the people who know the truth first.

I soaked off my acrylic overlays and cut my nails down last night - this is taking some getting used to.

As much as I really really wanted to get into Kurt Sutter's new series I just can't. I think I will start SOA over on Netflix.  I also had to stop watching Frankie and Grace - it started to remind me of aging high schoolers.

I ordered this tank top - its become my favorite!

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday Confessional

Its Wednesday - and its been more than a minute since I did one of these so here goes.

I confess:

I am glad that as of Midnight September is OVER..

Last week was nothing but pure drama and the aftermath. The only thing I accomplished of my goal list was to get my ass to the salon and get my highlights redone.

This week doesn't look any better at that to do list.

My anxiety has been worse the past few weeks.

I've been rocking the curly hair, its easier. Lately I have embraced the theory the wilder the better when it comes to my hair.

I bought tickets to see Wicked in October - I can't wait.

I actually like Justin Biebers new song. I will be over in the corner hiding under a chair now.

I am glad that all the shows are back on TV but hate that its getting colder.

I've developed an allergy to 10kt yellow gold. I only have 2 rings I can wear, as they are 14kt however I've been told that may also change.

I hate that Sheldon and Amy broke up on The Big Bang Theory.

I started Christmas shopping.

I still don't want to see the Christmas countdown posts on social media!

We rolled out new goals at work and I need to step up my game.

I need to get productive around the house this weekend and finish my fall cleaning and purging.

Wednesday Confessions

Its been a little heavy around here lately so I thought I would lighten up and do confessions this week..

I confess:

I love watching makeup tutorials on YouTube.  I however, can not figure out why lots of ladies out there are heavily defining their eyebrows. Stop drawing boxes on your face and filling them in.. You look ridiculous. Makeup should always be blended. No one should see the guidelines you use to shape your brows. It also goes without saying don't use your mascara to fill in your brows. No it does not look good. No it does NOT say "I'm so good with makeup" it does say you ran out of brow powder and are winging it...

NO more wire hangers (if you don't get the wire hanger reference just blow right passed it) and NO MORE BOXES!!!


At 2 am this morning I yelled at a loud drunk girl to shut the hell up.. Last night the weather was nice enough to turn off the air and open the window so I did. Took two melatonin, put in my ear plug and went to sleep. At 2 am the aforementioned drunk girl came home being a total tool woke me from a dead sleep and even with ear plugs I could hear her plain as day. So I may have yelled out the open window its 2 am shut the hell up.. She responded well its like that, okay then. Yes its like that and I am not sorry. Some of us had to get up in a few hours for work.  It took me an hour to get back to sleep - party girl is on my glitter bomb list.

Today is my Friday and then I have the next 5 days off.. Yes I am happy dancing.  I need a breather.

I have to take my 14 year told cat to the vet tomorrow to have him checked out and I am NOT looking forward to it. At 14 vet visits get scary.

This stuff made me laugh

Confession Sessions

its been a hot minute since I did Wednesday Confessions so I thought I would do them this week:

I am sick of the term "white privilege" being tossed around. I asked this question and oh boy the Internets "told" me:

Why is it when you disagree with riots, looting and all around violence you are accused of showing your "white privilege" why can't it just be that my mommy taught me that violence isn't ever THE answer and is not the way to show anyone your point?

Then the next day I commented on an article about Alice Eve's response to Bruce Jenner's transgender status. Honestly I got Alice's point, however it was the WRONG forum to go off on a women's equality tangent. Alice came off as bitter and when I commented on that fact I was told by some random internet user that Alice was a REAL women and I was a dumb bitch... OOOO LARDY she sure TOLD me.. Whatever. Alice did sound like a bitter party of one and where I am ALL for women's rights - duh I has me a vagina - I think trying to make someone else's journey is the wrong damn platform. Yes, I know I used the phrase "I has me" .

Yes I am watching twitter for the #royalbabywait2.0.

This is a fan parody account but it still cracked me up when I got this on my phone

I saw this today and was blown away - nothing was used except 1 cello and their voices... 

Wednesday Confessions

I've been sick since Friday - spent all weekend in bed. Monday I tried to work and only made in in the office a half day. Yesterday I worked at home.

Doctor's will no longer give you antibiotics for a sinus infection until you have been infected for 7 days, apparently sinus infections are "self-resolving" as are ear infections.

It's 75 degrees out today, so I pulled the sandals and maxi skirts out of the closet.

I have been busy at work - it is the time of year when I rewrite the employee policy book and its employee review time.

I threw my back out again - I had just about thought I had gotten past those issues. I am extremely pissed over it.

 I have watched this more than once today:

The no Facebook at night has been great - I did however put it back on my phone because one of my games stopped working without it WHOMP WHOMP.

My Sons of Anarchy Volume 4 CD finally came... LOVE IT.

I am looking forward to being off Friday for my birthday. I love that my company considers your birthday a personal holiday.  I am having lunch with my mom and I am hoping to grab a nail appointment.

One of my employees gave me this today as an early birthday present. Can't wait to put batteries in it and give it a whirl.  

Wednesday's Confessions and a Few Rants......

Confessions:

I am sick of flat ironing my hair its a process. Its thick, its curly and its wavy. So last night I just didn't, I tamed some of the crazy and then just let it be. No its not as polished as it usually is and right now I don't care...

That whole excuse "I can't because I am washing my hair that night" really isn't an excuse for me, its my reality. It takes hours to fully dry, even when using a hair dryer, because the dryer can only do so much. Then you have to flat iron it which can take another 45 minutes..  Last night I just didn't wanna...

I am sick of the hype over the 50 Shades of Grey movie. Hell even Mashable has an article on how to put together a beginners bondage kit... WTF? Do you seriously need a tutorial on that?  Isn't that what the other you tube-ish site is for?

I am keep a close eye on next weeks weather - the move is next weekend and I'd rather not have shitty weather for it. 

Starbucks you need to get your shit together and design a travel cup that goes IN THE DAMN DISHWASHER.. Who the hell has the time or desire to hand wash dishes these days is IS 2015. Surely you can come up with SOMETHING. 

I have really hot Valentines Day plans - we are getting take out and packing!!! Jealous I know. *wink*

I managed 2 out of 3 of my goals last weekend.. I did NOT make it to the gym. I did pack and get rid of things.

I need a vacation - an actual vacation where we go somewhere, chill and have fun.

The anniversary of my dad's birthday hit me harder this year than usual and I am not exactly sure why.

I'm trying to figure out how I was designated as everyone's "favor doer".

I can't stand whiners - lately the urge to tell them off is getting stronger and stronger..

A friend of mine put this on my Facebook page - it made my day:

Wednesday Confessions

Wow its midweek already!

Wednesday confessions:

I am thrilled January is over - it was an emotionally rough month for several people I care deeply about - I am glad its over.

February is a month I both love and hate... I hate it because its still cold but love, love that its only 28 days long.. BRING ON MARCH!  That statement never fails to crack my mother up.

Peep and little man have moved back up this way and in with her ex. All this back and forth is making me nervous. Though I do hope that Little Man is happier being back this way. Apparently he was NOT out at the farm and let his mother know loudly and often.  He told her he wanted to go HOME. Poor lil guy missed his people.  We missed him as well.

Monday night we lit the fireplace for the first time this winter - and possibly the last before we move.  It was the first because we didn't want to light it with Lil Man running around. The last because I have traded a fireplace for a walk in closet LOL.. The new place doesn't have a fire place.. I'll miss yet I will LOVE having more space in the closet.

Hands down the BEST part of the Super Bowl last Sunday was Missy Elliot. Second - the fight at the end.. NFL went MMA!!! I will say having to explain the the tweens there just WHO Missy was a little off putting - geesh kids. The words "oh so like the first Iggy" made my eyes roll really hard.. Um NO - just NO.

I'm looking forward to Friday and getting together with the 'Mafia Girls for dinner - its been freaking ages since we have all been together.

I wore TOMS yesterday because it was 50 degree and I am sick of boots.  Snow is expected today.

I abhor the term BAE and really wished people knew its Danish for poop - so you're actually calling your loved one poop ... way to go!

My favorite meme from Sundays game:

Wednesday Confessions

I confess I am behind yet again... The cold that had started to dissipate the end of last week came back with a vengeance over the weekend and I spent all weekend in bed sleeping. I'm start to feel like I am on the other side of it now, I am hope it stays that way. This has been insane.

I'm sick of that damn hump day camel.

Our move day has been moved up - so my "oh I have time" mind set is now screaming "how MANY days are left".

I have no excitement this year for the Superbowl and I think I would rather stay home than go anywhere. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with being sick and worn out. I am imagining staying home with a book. The weather is supposed to be crappy anyhow. Yeah I know its winter.  I have packing and purging to do anyhow.

I'm still searching for a reclining love-seat for the new apartment. I guess these are harder to find these days and no longer popular??

I have gotten into reading cold cases on the internet when I ran across a Facebook page for Christopher Abeyta. I remember this story well as I was living in Colorado Springs at the time. He was never found.

 In reading up on the case, the family has done a lot of their own investigations and have enough evidence to get the grand jury to hold an investigation. Right now there is a petition circulating to get this case in front of the Grand Jury please take a moment to sign it.  Change.Org petition  So far there are 2,787 signatures with 2,213 more needed.

For more information here is the website for Christopher Find Christopher and the Facebook page  Christopher Abeyta. Please consider signing the petition.  27 years is a long time and this family deserves an outcome. It has always been believed Christopher is alive, now help them find him and the woman it is believed took him as a baby for revenge.

Wednesday Confessional

I had to stop and think this morning when D asked if it was Thursday - drat nope just Wednesday!

We had out pre-tranfer inspection yesterday that went well - and we signed the final transfer paperwork last night... wheeee - now to pack.

I bought 3 of the 4 Son's of Anarchy sound tracks - 4 has not been released yet and they have been playing almost non stop.

Another song on constant loop is:



The house has been really quite without Peep and Lil Man.

I still don't like the redesign on the blog and I am thinking about scrapping the design and trying again.

Shit that people try to pull on Facebook Swap boards crack me up... Then they get pissed when you point it out. FYI an "insurance claim phone is a refurbished phone ie used - no your not going to get 350.00 for it.. The reason you can't sell your XP dual core pc for $400 is because its OLD XP is not even supported any longer and dual core is slow as hell.. Yes your an ass for getting pissed when people ask if you will take less..

For the first time in a LONG time - my nails are not polished dark ....

Shocked the hell out of my nail tech when I asked for a baby pink french mani - she kept asking me if I was sure..

Wednesday Confessions

I confess to reading the New York Times interview with Jayden and Willow Smith .................. three freaking times. A few thoughts that came up each time.

1. Because.............. Scientology
2. WTAF (what the actual fuck)
3. Do Jada and Will know their kids are high as fucking kites and giving interviews to The Times?

Seriously can anyone explain that interview to me?? For those who have no earthly idea what I am talking about here it is Times Article. Go ahead I'll wait...

Done? Okay now what the hell are those kids saying?????????

I confess I have a card exchange coming up that I have not even started crafting the cards for. Nor do I have a clue on what to make.

I confess to posting this to Facebook yesterday and laughing way to hard...

Happy Wednesday!

Confessions

Wednesday Confessional time:

Thus far it has been a week of Monday's in fact I still have the blog window open with a draft for Monday's post, I got 2 sentences in and my day blew up so there it still sits.  At this point I should just delete it as that train of thought has completely derailed and there were NO survivors.

I bought new vitamins - they are a stress formula... They smell like un-neutered cat piss... Every time I open the bottle I can't help but think "I paid HOW much to lick the inside of a litter box??"

The results of last night election piss me off...

During the week I can't wait for the weekend then on the weekend I can't wait to get back to work.

The clutter of 4 people living in 860 square feet have thrown my anxiety off the fucking charts. I have to take a deep breath daily to keep from throwing EVERYTHING out an open window.  I was the asshole vacuuming at 9:30 pm last night.  Sorry neighbors - wait no I am not, just doing that helped my mental well being.

I still haven't reset the wall clock in my office - which honestly is a mean trick to do to oneself in the afternoons.


I want to do less than nothing this weekend.

I have laundry to do this weekend...

Wednesday Confession Time

Kathy isn't doing the Wednesday link up anymore. However, off and on I have always done Wednesday confessions so here we go..

I truly think Bruce Jenner is transitioning..

I'd also LOVE to know what red that is he is wearing - it is AWESOME.  I also had no clue he smoked.

I am sick of Taylor Swift. This may have been the more honest thing shes ever said " I maybe the most enthusiastic obnoxious New Yorker" I think however she should had self edited and left our enthusiastic and put a period after obnoxious.

I think shes been way over publicized  and way over exposed. I am sick of turning on the radio and hearing her nasal whine.  

I am working on a blog post that is starting to read like a science class and a review all in one. The science is necessary however to explain background.  I am hoping y'all stick with me to the end though, I happen to be really excited about this one. I believe it will be my longest post yet..

I am looking forward to setting my clocks back an hour on Saturday. I do wish the government would stop messing with time though. Well and a few other things!

I love that I am enrolled in UPS My Choice notices. I know when a package is coming and can plan around it. I just got an email telling me my Ulta order is set to be delivered on Saturday and now I know to either be home or have Peep watching out for it if I am running errands.

Some more changes are coming to my family right around the first of the year and I am excited and nervous all at the same time.

What are your Wednesday Confessions???