Rest Easy Kate

Today is the funeral service for Kate in her hometown, Kansas City - Rest Easy Kate.. I hope the peace that alluded you in life you have now found.

Do the Things...

I have issues with anxiety - I work hard every day to overcome those issues. It's very easy for me to crawl into my cave and just stay in my bubble. In efforts to NOT become the scary hermit lady with 500 cats. I joined a couple of social groups. The first meetup I RSVP-ed to is coming up this weekend. I am meeting the group to go see Deadpool 2.

Then I RSVP-ed to a tapas and theatre crawl even for the end of the month. Honestly, I both excited and nervous. I am that painfully awkward girl that manages to say the wrong thing and be a huge geek.. Think Daria on the MTV, and if you don't know who Daria is .. well go now - Google and watch then come back...  I know none of this fits into the I up and moved to a new city where I know 1 person and started a new adventure. What can I say I'm simple like quantum physics. *Shrug*

Saturday night I got restless and grabbed my phone and a bottle of water and just drove around my neighborhood. It was a warm drive - window open AC off but it was pleasant and for the most part I didn't have to ask Google where the hell I was. That right there is a huge - I am so directionally challenged it is unbelievable. Sunday I pretty much hung around the complex - but did strike up a conversation with a guy in the laundry room instead of keeping my head down and praying not to be noticed.

Pretty big accomplishments honestly.. and so is admitting this stuff, instead of acting like I have it all together.

Here's to doing the things....

Choices and Life Paths

I know everyone has seen this quote..

It's honestly an amazing quote. Change is always scary but it is honestly the ONLY thing you can count on. Things will always be changing.  you will constantly have to choose things. generally, its do you want your latte hot or cold that day. Sometimes, though it will be a huge life change that you either have to make or continue to drone on in your same existence.

Think about it if you continue to choose the safe option you'll never experience much. Your life experiences are limited and nothing special happens. Sure, your life may be easier but will you learn anything, will you really live?  I can not believe we are here to simply pay bills and die. That is an existence, not a life. That is settling not choosing a life.  It's been said that the biggest regrets people have are what they didn't do, not what they did do in life.

A friend of mine said to me recently, if you are standing on the edge you are taking up to much space. For those of us jumping off cliffs, enjoy the journey. Those who cling to the edge, to what they know, the safe zone - when you're ready - the rest of us have the parachute and will meet you after the jump.

Life starts at the end of your comfort zone.

Just Wednesday

Squirrels on the Road of Life

Someone said this to me once - and I did make a decision, and ended up as a flat squirrel anyway.  What I am going to tell you is listen to your instincts and choose from there. To many of us ignore those gut feelings or are told its just anxiety. No, frankly sometimes it really is your instinct that is trying like hell to warn you.

Listen to your inner voice - I don't mean that "this is new and I'm scared" feeling but that deep down feeling. The one that is in all of us for a reason. The one that is screaming at you to stop, recalculate and then decide.  Sometimes that those feelings are there to save you.  The further you are away from your true voice the more confusing it is to heed the innate advice your inner self is trying to give you. This can be compounded if you have issues with anxiety.

It really is ok to stop, and just breathe. Find your voice, your true voice not the voice of everyone else telling you what you should do, what you should think. At the end of it all it is you that has to live in the choice you made, if needed take your time making that choice. I promise - you can just breathe.

Perhaps Charlotte was Right..

Maybe your Girlfriends are your soulmates.. Maybe it's better that way. Generally, your girlfriends are there through it all. Yeah, there are exceptions I get that but that's the exception, not the rule.  Look back - think about all the big deal thing you have gone through, now look at whos next to you. 90% of the time it is your closest girlfriends. Cheering you on or holding you up and wiping your tears.

Honestly, its been my girlfriends who have picked me up on my darkest hours, made sure I was okay and just sat with me when I cried so hard I didn't think I would ever produce another tear. It wasn't the man who said he had my back, that he was ride or die with me. It was my tribe who made sure I was breathing and continues to do so. They don't come and go they are a constant presence. Looking back I can honestly say very few of my girlfriends have ever shattered my heart, guys on the other hand....

So maybe just maybe your girlfriends as your soulmates isn't such a bad idea after all..

* Side note ever Sex in the City fan knows it was not Carrie who said this - it was Charlotte.

Woody Allen Really... Sit down, Shut Up

You, sir, are NOT the poster boy for the #MeToo movement - just because the woman you sexually assaulted is not an actress who worked in one of your movies does NOT mean you are not innocent. You sexually assaulted your own daughter and married another daughter.

You simply opening your mouth about #MeToo and trying to make it about you, reinforces the that the male population thinks everything is about them.  The only way this is about you is that you join the ranks of other men thinking they can do whatever they like to a female - simply because they desire to.  The ONLY thing you are a poster boy for is some rich guy with power taking advantage of a female because he can.. Your spot on a poster is a spot with Bill Cosby, taken from inside a jail cell.

The only metoo you add to the movement is I'm sorry I too thought I could get away with being part of sexually assaulting whomever I choose because I am rich and can buy my way out of anything.  I too thought I could intimidate and take whatever I wanted. I too am a nasty old man who subscribes to the "grab them by the pussy" way of thinking.

Sit down and shut up - preferably by Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein in a jail cell to rot. #TimesUP

Wednesday's Words

I loved you fiercely - I can not control that you settled for a mundane existence. Enjoy that.

June- -Summer Lovin' TBB Asks - Blog Link up

Summer link up with TBB

1. Walk or Bike Ride?

2. Favorite Picnic Food? Fried Chicken.

3. Pool or Lake? Lake

4. Favorite Flavor of ice cream? Lemon or Butter Pecan

5. Ice Cream Cone - Specifically waffle cone or in a Dish?

6. Flip Flops or Slides?

7. Jean Shorts or Jean Capris? Both

8. Favorite summer Fruit? Strawberries

9. Corn on the Cob or Cut Off the Cob?

10. Favorite summertime song? All Summer Long.

11. Favorite summertime activity? Longer evenings just chillin - especially if a porch swing is available.

12. Favorite Berry? Strawberry, Blueberry, Raspberry or Blackberry?

13. Bikini’s, tankini’s or one pieces?

14. Dresses or Skirts?

15. One Word to describe Summer? Favorite

Oh The Places You'll Go

Do you ever just sit back and look in awe at how far you've come?  I'm sitting here in a space I have never been in and never honestly thought I'd be. I know I have further to go, more to do, to accomplish but what I have done so far kinda takes my breath away, to be frank about it.

Yes, I still have moments when I panic and think oh my god what in the actual fuck have I done. I have learned to stop in those moments and breath, center myself and remember where I have been. Some days its a process - I refuse to apologize for how I heal and the time frame in which I do so. I am on my time frame. Coming back from where I was is not an overnight process - not if you actually do the work and become better for it.

I am building my own foundation, one not built on lies, sweet promises and insecurities. This way, that foundation is solid sturdy and real.  Honestly, all we really have is ourselves. You have to know how to pick yourself back up, console yourself and move forward. Others may walk with us but no one can walk for us.

First June Weekend - Weekending Linkup

I spent this weekend at the farm and had a blast Lots of activity there were about 20 of us and 9 dogs. Saturday morning we woke up and hit the car show. Rt 66 is in the middle of Rolla so I got a few cool pictures. This was my view Saturday morning waking up slowly..

Then we hit Rt 66

 

Yes, the pink car is, by far my, favorite.  That after we went back to the farm - there is a natural
pool there and a few went swimming - honestly, I attempted to nap, hard to do in a house with that many people - but I did try like hell!!


Saturday night we grilled out and then played Cards Against Humanity - I had a little helper.

I ended Sunday properly..  Ignore the bottle cap - it's a cat toy.. 

Bits and Bob's that I have learned

I have learned that there are times that the Universe will make you so uncomfortable that at some point you will have no choice but to move on. The more you ignore the gentle nudges the harder the pushes will get. Sure there are those who will fall back into what they know because it is "safe" it is the known. They will choose to stay in the same hamster wheel they are on, but at there will come a time the Universe will shove them off the wheel. To dig in your heels and fuse to change is to do yourself a disservice.

They may feel they are being admirable and "doing the right thing" in truth they are selling themselves short, giving themselves half a life and yes, settling. There is nothing to be gained by settling, make oneself a martyr. There is nothing noble about it, it's sad, no tragic really. To those who are hanging on to a partner, because you are afraid of what the universe has planned for you, in truth you are sentencing the both of you to less than. Less than what you are, what you can accomplish what you can become.

You are limiting the both of you. Reducing you both and honestly, that's a damn shame. Holding someone back is nothing to be proud of - no matter who it is, you or someone you say you love. Listen to the gentle nudges of the Universe. When you get to the end of your life make sure you choose it - make sure lived the hell outta of it, leave behind wonderous tales and not looks of pity and stories that start well he/she had this opportunity BUT... that is life wasted, not a life lived..