Thursday, March 29, 2007

I swear I have not fallen off the face of the earth..

I am just insanely busy. There is a lot going on for me both personally and professionally. Learning to balance it all has become a huge challenge.

Professionally things are busy but very good. We are down a few staff members, but have hired a new legal assistant. I am partial as he is a very good friend, but I do think that finally we have a good no make that phenomenal fit in our office. He is a quick learner and not only bright but brilliant.

Personally, not so much. I am still learning to process and deal with everything that is going on in my family. My 15 year old, the first love of my life has finally been diagnosed as bipolar. I say finally but it seems that her doctor has diagnosed her for at least year, however he has just decided to inform us of it. This sends me on a huge tidal wave of emotions. I am pissed, hurt, angry and overwhelmingly sad. If we are to play this "game" it would be fair to have all the play pieces and the rules.

I would like to say that the hesitation to let us in on this nugget of information was to be cautious. Maybe he was waiting to make sure, however my mind screams that this was so very very wrong and even cruel to do this to her and us. This whole time we were told that the issues she was having were not permanent and that she would come off medication. At one point he even attempted to remove her from meds. That was a horrid time. It took just 2 weeks for her to downward spin. In my opinion that was cruel and unnecessary to do to her if you have known all this time she is in fact bipolar and a rapid cycler at that.

The other emotions that I am dealing with in processing this illness is the fact that even though normally life is not fair and not always easy, she will always struggle more than the average person. Not to say that this wondrous child is average by any means, she is an extraordinary young woman. But with everything that shes lived through and dealt with in her short 15 years, why this too? Who the fuck asked you to make her life even harder? Who the hell are you to do this to her? When is enough enough? And finally thanks a fucking lot.

Just Finished - Mother, Mother - Koren Zailckas

Ever have a book that once you finish it you have no idea what to read next because nothing sounds good after the world you just finished. ...