Monday, August 07, 2006

Walking through the halls of high school.

So I went surfing around myspace tonight and found the alumni page for my high school. Talk about a flood of memories, and I must admit to being a little homesick. All and all high school was pretty good for me. I was in the drama club and a thespian. Memories of all the plays we did, the scenery built, production deadlines and what not and for a few moments I was back in the halls of Harrison High School. Tight-rolled stone washed jeans and all.

I remember how we all could not wait to be seniors, then to walk out of those school doors for the last time and into the real world. If we only knew then what we do now. Would we have slowed down a little and looked around, hung out at the lockers and talked a bit more?

I think about my friends and wonder what they are doing now? Has life been kind to them? Are they what they had hoped they would be? Have they achieved their dreams, or have they changed them with the passing years? Do they wish that they could change things?

Soon the class of 1992 will have been out into the real world for 15 years, where did the time go? The next time we blink a 20 year class reunion will be here. Will we still judge each other as harshly as we did then, or will we be kinder to each other as time passes?

How many of us will rush to lose that 15 or 20 extra pounds the year before the big 20? Will we discuss stock portfolios or remember the classmates we lost before we even graduated? I remember my friends and hope time and the future have been kind to them, I hope they are kinder to themselves.

My hope for the future? That my daughter slows down, enjoys and cherishes her high school years, they are gone before you know it. Then one night you are sitting at the computer staring at and alumni page and wondering where the years went.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Goodbye My Lover

I just think this song is pretty - sad but pretty. I have never heard this song before. I ran across it, on set with a slide show of pictures of a couple who gave up to soon....

Goodbye My Lover
by James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

The scream heard in 5 states....

I stepped on the scale last night....For the first time in 5 years. Yes I said 5 years, nope I don't even get on that thing at the doctor's office, yes you can refuse to do so. I don't own a scale. My first thought was "well eating WAS fun, but that's so over now". No more sonic bacon cheeseburgers and onion rings for me! Now I am not totally clueless, yes I knew I was gaining. I had to keep going up in sizes of my jeans. I can now stock my own denim warehouse in various sizes.

I am a pretty tall chica, I stand at 5'11 1/2, and I do know that I am still in my whole height to weight ratio. HOWEVER I am not comfortable, so this is an issue, well and I am vain about this also. I have been this size before and didn't like it then either.

unfortunately my soon to be 15 year old daughter was in the same vicinity I was when I got on the scale, as was my sister-in-law and mother-in-law (I was at my sister-in-law's house). As I came to from the shock at seeing real numbers staring at me, the aforementioned soon to be 15 year old asks if I would like some tips in taking the weight back off. I asked her if she would like the numbers of denture clinics. I guess that hint wasn't enough for her because then she asked when I would be hitting the gym, either that or she REALLY wants a new set of teeth.

Have I mentioned I hate exercise with a passion? I hate to sweat, abhor it actually. Yeah I know its good for you. Phooey, doesn't mean I want to actually do any of it. LOL. However it appears that I am going to have to suck it up and start.

Yeah this is going to be pretty, an out of shape smoker working out, but if I want my back to stop hurting I gotta do something. The extra poundage is not good for my uber fucked up back.
I am going to miss my boobs, that the first thing I lose - the girls shrink big time and that sucks. I really like my curves, boobs and having a butt finally...

*sigh* Guess I will have to buy some.

Just Finished - Mother, Mother - Koren Zailckas

Ever have a book that once you finish it you have no idea what to read next because nothing sounds good after the world you just finished. ...