Thursday, October 08, 2015

A Light Bulb Moment

Remember this scene from Erin Brokovich were Ed fires her:

Ed Masry: [explaining his reason for removing Erin from his office] Now, look Erin, this incident aside, I don't think this is the right place for you. So what I'm gonna do is make a few calls on your behalf; find you something else, okay?
Erin Brockovich: [angrily] Don't bother!
Ed Masry: Come on! I'm trying to help here...
[Erin storms out of his office]

I was in the middle of a conversation last night with my Twin when she stopped me and said, you realize that you spend a lot of your time down playing how you feel about things so people won't feel bad that they did something wrong to you or hurt your feelings??

My entire life I have done that, I have done it to avoid conflict, I have done it to resolve a situation as soon as possible so that everyone involved can get back to being happy and over what ever it was that happened. I then go deal with my issues alone in private. I have been conditioned to insure that everyone is as happy and comfortable as possible, even at the cost of my own well being.  A "skill" taught to me as a young child as I was made "in charge" of happiness and well being - for everyone else.

 Well fuck if I'll help you do that anymore. I have spent most of my life being the "fixer" and never looking at the price tag to my personal well being. Its not my job to look the other way so that everyone else's happiness is maintained and my own is hanging in the breeze.  I refuse to ignore my own needs anymore. I get that will be breaking a pattern that was established at a very early age which is bound to ruffle more than a few feathers.

I'm honestly just looking to not be everyone's fixer anymore, I don't want to break anyone in that process but I need to stop being the sacrifice so that everyone is comfortable.

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Wednesday, October 07, 2015

Wednesday Confessions

Monday was beyond stressful - so much so that I took it to the treadmill and hoped I wouldn't have to quit because of my back. For the first time in more than a year I didn't have to stop in the first 5 minutes.

SO close to 10K steps ... Toward the end though my legs were like bitch please what the hell do you think you are doing.

Next weekend I have tickets to Wicked I can't wait.

I was glad The Voice started back up - my absolute fave audition is this one. I've watched it several times now.

I'm sick of hearing about Donald Trump.

Facebook news feeds are giving me the heebie jeebies. I don't really want to read about BK giving people green shit or the details on decapitated babies. Sanctimonious shit people post are also raising my blood pressure. Shit dude if you are gonna lie block the people who know the truth first.

I soaked off my acrylic overlays and cut my nails down last night - this is taking some getting used to.

As much as I really really wanted to get into Kurt Sutter's new series I just can't. I think I will start SOA over on Netflix.  I also had to stop watching Frankie and Grace - it started to remind me of aging high schoolers.

I ordered this tank top - its become my favorite!

Happy Wednesday!

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Monday, October 05, 2015

So I am not a Monday Person - but I'm Trying

I know lots of us are not. I get it. I decided however to not dread the fact its Monday. I am finding humor in Monday. Like today, I legit laughed out loud when I received an email from a client which included this pic..

Nope, she wasn't mad at me just at a situation. I think I laughed for a good 5 minutes on this. 

Saw this on my Facebook feed this morning. Love it 

We took Little Man to the park Saturday - I took this picture there.

I'm honestly trying to be more positive about things in general, and hating a day just because its Monday isn't conductive to that. When you get right down to it Monday really didn't do you wrong, its really just another day of the week. 

We'd ALL be more pleasant if we sought out the good in the situation. Even just a tiny speck of good in ever bad situation will at least give a glimmer of hope.  Which, even at the bottom of Pandora's box was hope.

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Just Finished - Mother, Mother - Koren Zailckas

Ever have a book that once you finish it you have no idea what to read next because nothing sounds good after the world you just finished. ...