Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What I wanted to be vs what I was ...

All through school I wanted to be the cute little doll like girl, the reality of it is I was the too tall awkward geeky child who tried to hard to be liked.  You had to look hard to see me I was invisible.

I hit high school and discovered drama club. I also hung out with the total opposite crowd - in the 90's known as the "stoners" not that we really did drugs we just wore the heavy metal shirts, stone washed too tight jeans and the long hair.. Ok they did, I didn't, I still didn't quite "fit" in but I tried like there was no tomorrow.  I met a boy who thought I hung the moon, I tried like hell to figure out what it was he saw in me.

I hit my 20's married had a small child and still didn't quite "fit". I had in my mind the ideal of what pretty was supposed to be - thank you tv and magazines.  I didn't fit the bill.  Oh sure I'd have pretty moments and my parents told me I was beautiful - they kinda have to - its a law or something.

Then I hit my 30's and things and my mental picture started to change (that and I had been through the ringer, but that's another story for well never ;-). I had gotten out of a bad marriage, a really bad relationship and was on the road to recovery.  I met another boy, who thinks I am all that.

In the journey to get fit and find me I have come to embrace my tallness (I am 5'11) and that I am not the cute tiny little doll every one wants to rescue.  Frankly I am fine with that, I can rescue myself when needed. Yes, its nice to have someone to do it but its better to know you can rescue yourself!

Now I am facing the big 40 and I know I'll never be classified as a classic beauty - that's cool I have some awesome imperfections.  I am figuring out exactly what it is that they saw in me..


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