Major thanks to one of my bestest friends RadioVixen for the new look. It took hours, I owe you a latte and some cheesecake!!
Thanks again! You are the bomb diggity!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
And she grows up..
Well my baby is 15 now, a freshman and has her very first job. Holy shit when did this happen? I remember very vividly wiping the strained peas off her face. In a few short years this girl child/woman will be going off to college and out into the world. Will she be ready? Have I taught her the skills she will have to possess? Have I shown her what a real woman looks like and behaves?
I won't let her date yet, how is she going to handle paying bills? She forgets to clean her room, how on earth will she remember to lock her doors and go grocery shopping? We can't get her to ditch bad friends and drama; what is she going to do when the bad friend and drama is responsible for half the rent? She doesn't even know how to drive yet.
I have taught her self worth, I am teaching her the value of a dollar. She is experiencing what it is like to want something so very much only to find it is not in her budget, (hence the job). I am hoping she is learning that she can't always take the easy road and that the right thing is not always the fastest and easiest way.
I am teaching her that sometimes you just have to make the best out of a not so good situation. She is a very determined young lady. She can be very stubborn. She will debate with you for hours for something she either wants or if she thinks you are wrong about something.
Is she going to be ready? Better yet will the world be ready for her? I am teaching her how to be a woman, her father is teaching her how to drive.
I won't let her date yet, how is she going to handle paying bills? She forgets to clean her room, how on earth will she remember to lock her doors and go grocery shopping? We can't get her to ditch bad friends and drama; what is she going to do when the bad friend and drama is responsible for half the rent? She doesn't even know how to drive yet.
I have taught her self worth, I am teaching her the value of a dollar. She is experiencing what it is like to want something so very much only to find it is not in her budget, (hence the job). I am hoping she is learning that she can't always take the easy road and that the right thing is not always the fastest and easiest way.
I am teaching her that sometimes you just have to make the best out of a not so good situation. She is a very determined young lady. She can be very stubborn. She will debate with you for hours for something she either wants or if she thinks you are wrong about something.
Is she going to be ready? Better yet will the world be ready for her? I am teaching her how to be a woman, her father is teaching her how to drive.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Walking through the halls of high school.
So I went surfing around myspace tonight and found the alumni page for my high school. Talk about a flood of memories, and I must admit to being a little homesick. All and all high school was pretty good for me. I was in the drama club and a thespian. Memories of all the plays we did, the scenery built, production deadlines and what not and for a few moments I was back in the halls of Harrison High School. Tight-rolled stone washed jeans and all.
I remember how we all could not wait to be seniors, then to walk out of those school doors for the last time and into the real world. If we only knew then what we do now. Would we have slowed down a little and looked around, hung out at the lockers and talked a bit more?
I think about my friends and wonder what they are doing now? Has life been kind to them? Are they what they had hoped they would be? Have they achieved their dreams, or have they changed them with the passing years? Do they wish that they could change things?
Soon the class of 1992 will have been out into the real world for 15 years, where did the time go? The next time we blink a 20 year class reunion will be here. Will we still judge each other as harshly as we did then, or will we be kinder to each other as time passes?
How many of us will rush to lose that 15 or 20 extra pounds the year before the big 20? Will we discuss stock portfolios or remember the classmates we lost before we even graduated? I remember my friends and hope time and the future have been kind to them, I hope they are kinder to themselves.
My hope for the future? That my daughter slows down, enjoys and cherishes her high school years, they are gone before you know it. Then one night you are sitting at the computer staring at and alumni page and wondering where the years went.
I remember how we all could not wait to be seniors, then to walk out of those school doors for the last time and into the real world. If we only knew then what we do now. Would we have slowed down a little and looked around, hung out at the lockers and talked a bit more?
I think about my friends and wonder what they are doing now? Has life been kind to them? Are they what they had hoped they would be? Have they achieved their dreams, or have they changed them with the passing years? Do they wish that they could change things?
Soon the class of 1992 will have been out into the real world for 15 years, where did the time go? The next time we blink a 20 year class reunion will be here. Will we still judge each other as harshly as we did then, or will we be kinder to each other as time passes?
How many of us will rush to lose that 15 or 20 extra pounds the year before the big 20? Will we discuss stock portfolios or remember the classmates we lost before we even graduated? I remember my friends and hope time and the future have been kind to them, I hope they are kinder to themselves.
My hope for the future? That my daughter slows down, enjoys and cherishes her high school years, they are gone before you know it. Then one night you are sitting at the computer staring at and alumni page and wondering where the years went.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Goodbye My Lover
I just think this song is pretty - sad but pretty. I have never heard this song before. I ran across it, on youtube.com set with a slide show of pictures of a couple who gave up to soon....
Goodbye My Lover
by James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Goodbye My Lover
by James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
The scream heard in 5 states....
I stepped on the scale last night....For the first time in 5 years. Yes I said 5 years, nope I don't even get on that thing at the doctor's office, yes you can refuse to do so. I don't own a scale. My first thought was "well eating WAS fun, but that's so over now". No more sonic bacon cheeseburgers and onion rings for me! Now I am not totally clueless, yes I knew I was gaining. I had to keep going up in sizes of my jeans. I can now stock my own denim warehouse in various sizes.
I am a pretty tall chica, I stand at 5'11 1/2, and I do know that I am still in my whole height to weight ratio. HOWEVER I am not comfortable, so this is an issue, well and I am vain about this also. I have been this size before and didn't like it then either.
unfortunately my soon to be 15 year old daughter was in the same vicinity I was when I got on the scale, as was my sister-in-law and mother-in-law (I was at my sister-in-law's house). As I came to from the shock at seeing real numbers staring at me, the aforementioned soon to be 15 year old asks if I would like some tips in taking the weight back off. I asked her if she would like the numbers of denture clinics. I guess that hint wasn't enough for her because then she asked when I would be hitting the gym, either that or she REALLY wants a new set of teeth.
Have I mentioned I hate exercise with a passion? I hate to sweat, abhor it actually. Yeah I know its good for you. Phooey, doesn't mean I want to actually do any of it. LOL. However it appears that I am going to have to suck it up and start.
Yeah this is going to be pretty, an out of shape smoker working out, but if I want my back to stop hurting I gotta do something. The extra poundage is not good for my uber fucked up back.
I am going to miss my boobs, that the first thing I lose - the girls shrink big time and that sucks. I really like my curves, boobs and having a butt finally...
*sigh* Guess I will have to buy some.
I am a pretty tall chica, I stand at 5'11 1/2, and I do know that I am still in my whole height to weight ratio. HOWEVER I am not comfortable, so this is an issue, well and I am vain about this also. I have been this size before and didn't like it then either.
unfortunately my soon to be 15 year old daughter was in the same vicinity I was when I got on the scale, as was my sister-in-law and mother-in-law (I was at my sister-in-law's house). As I came to from the shock at seeing real numbers staring at me, the aforementioned soon to be 15 year old asks if I would like some tips in taking the weight back off. I asked her if she would like the numbers of denture clinics. I guess that hint wasn't enough for her because then she asked when I would be hitting the gym, either that or she REALLY wants a new set of teeth.
Have I mentioned I hate exercise with a passion? I hate to sweat, abhor it actually. Yeah I know its good for you. Phooey, doesn't mean I want to actually do any of it. LOL. However it appears that I am going to have to suck it up and start.
Yeah this is going to be pretty, an out of shape smoker working out, but if I want my back to stop hurting I gotta do something. The extra poundage is not good for my uber fucked up back.
I am going to miss my boobs, that the first thing I lose - the girls shrink big time and that sucks. I really like my curves, boobs and having a butt finally...
*sigh* Guess I will have to buy some.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
My 8 hours of being a non smoker, and other musings
Ok so I voyaged into the world of not smoking today, it wasn't pretty. I can get really mean. I always knew that I could be a world class snot and snobby to boot, but today I was just mean. I did tell my husband that I was sorry and I am.
I know that not smoking is so much better for you than to smoke, I get that I really do. I just like my cigarettes - a LOT. I have been smoking since I was 18. Its comforting. I know the odds I know what can happen, I am a really bright gal.
My other musings -
I have started this whole spend less thing. Spent last week watching Oprah's debt diet series. A lot of that hit home big time for me. It made me see things that I was unaware of about myself. Thing is I was shopping to make myself feel better - the whole retail therapy joke, which can be fine once in awhile. But where its not fine is when you realize that what you bought to make yourself feel better or as a treat is gonna make you feel worse when you can't pay the gas bill.
I also know that I don't want to live like 70% of American's which is pay check to pay check, been there it blows, its time to see how the other 30% roll.
More other musings-
My weight is really starting to bother me. On paper my weight is fine for my height, for my personal comfort it is a bit high. Now before you get all up in arms on me, I do not have an eating disorder or a body image problem. I do however have other health issues that are either better or worse depending on where I am in my weight to height ratio. When I am at the higher end where I am now they are worse. So its time to get healthier, eat better and groan exercise.
Then maybe I will be ready to tackle this smoking issue - until then I am sorry to those I let down, because believe me I do know it and because it is my personality to really worry and get upset when someone is even slightly upset with me, I do feel guilty and like shit.
I know that not smoking is so much better for you than to smoke, I get that I really do. I just like my cigarettes - a LOT. I have been smoking since I was 18. Its comforting. I know the odds I know what can happen, I am a really bright gal.
My other musings -
I have started this whole spend less thing. Spent last week watching Oprah's debt diet series. A lot of that hit home big time for me. It made me see things that I was unaware of about myself. Thing is I was shopping to make myself feel better - the whole retail therapy joke, which can be fine once in awhile. But where its not fine is when you realize that what you bought to make yourself feel better or as a treat is gonna make you feel worse when you can't pay the gas bill.
I also know that I don't want to live like 70% of American's which is pay check to pay check, been there it blows, its time to see how the other 30% roll.
More other musings-
My weight is really starting to bother me. On paper my weight is fine for my height, for my personal comfort it is a bit high. Now before you get all up in arms on me, I do not have an eating disorder or a body image problem. I do however have other health issues that are either better or worse depending on where I am in my weight to height ratio. When I am at the higher end where I am now they are worse. So its time to get healthier, eat better and groan exercise.
Then maybe I will be ready to tackle this smoking issue - until then I am sorry to those I let down, because believe me I do know it and because it is my personality to really worry and get upset when someone is even slightly upset with me, I do feel guilty and like shit.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Finish the sentence.....
Ok so I "borrowed" this from someone elses blog - deal! My answers are in bold.
Finish the sentence survey.
My ex was... the antichrist.
Maybe I should... workout more, study more, journal more, spend more time with my daughter.
I love... My husband, my daughter, my baby nephew & pedicures.
I don't understand... stupid people.
I lost... time.
People would say that I'm... strong, loyal, silly, beautiful and funny.
Somewhere, someone is... sick of putting up with his shit, no matter how cute he is.
I will always... be true to me.
Forever is... how long I will love my daughter
I never want to... have regrets.
I think the current President... needs new advisors.
When I wake up in the morning... I wish I was independently wealthy and retired
Life is full of... moments, good or bad they are your moments.
My past is incredibly... wow just wow, you wouldn’t believe half the shit I have survived.
I get annoyed when... people play games and lie
Parties are... what you make them.
I wish... to always be blessed.
Dogs... need let out
My cats... are a hoot.
Tomorrow... is Friday!
I really want... To be comfortable and pain free.
I have low tolerance for people who... are stupid, I hate stupid
If I had a million dollars... I would pay off everything, buy a house, my dream car, invest and take a real vacation.
If I could reach you... I'd say please learn from my life.
I'm totally terrified that... I have unresolved issues that will never have closure.
Finish the sentence survey.
My ex was... the antichrist.
Maybe I should... workout more, study more, journal more, spend more time with my daughter.
I love... My husband, my daughter, my baby nephew & pedicures.
I don't understand... stupid people.
I lost... time.
People would say that I'm... strong, loyal, silly, beautiful and funny.
Somewhere, someone is... sick of putting up with his shit, no matter how cute he is.
I will always... be true to me.
Forever is... how long I will love my daughter
I never want to... have regrets.
I think the current President... needs new advisors.
When I wake up in the morning... I wish I was independently wealthy and retired
Life is full of... moments, good or bad they are your moments.
My past is incredibly... wow just wow, you wouldn’t believe half the shit I have survived.
I get annoyed when... people play games and lie
Parties are... what you make them.
I wish... to always be blessed.
Dogs... need let out
My cats... are a hoot.
Tomorrow... is Friday!
I really want... To be comfortable and pain free.
I have low tolerance for people who... are stupid, I hate stupid
If I had a million dollars... I would pay off everything, buy a house, my dream car, invest and take a real vacation.
If I could reach you... I'd say please learn from my life.
I'm totally terrified that... I have unresolved issues that will never have closure.
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Thursday Musings - 6 Weeks into Stay at Home Orders
I seriously can not believe we have been "sheltering in place" for 6 freaking weeks now, and I say this as an "I'd rather...
