Ok so I voyaged into the world of not smoking today, it wasn't pretty. I can get really mean. I always knew that I could be a world class snot and snobby to boot, but today I was just mean. I did tell my husband that I was sorry and I am.
I know that not smoking is so much better for you than to smoke, I get that I really do. I just like my cigarettes - a LOT. I have been smoking since I was 18. Its comforting. I know the odds I know what can happen, I am a really bright gal.
My other musings -
I have started this whole spend less thing. Spent last week watching Oprah's debt diet series. A lot of that hit home big time for me. It made me see things that I was unaware of about myself. Thing is I was shopping to make myself feel better - the whole retail therapy joke, which can be fine once in awhile. But where its not fine is when you realize that what you bought to make yourself feel better or as a treat is gonna make you feel worse when you can't pay the gas bill.
I also know that I don't want to live like 70% of American's which is pay check to pay check, been there it blows, its time to see how the other 30% roll.
More other musings-
My weight is really starting to bother me. On paper my weight is fine for my height, for my personal comfort it is a bit high. Now before you get all up in arms on me, I do not have an eating disorder or a body image problem. I do however have other health issues that are either better or worse depending on where I am in my weight to height ratio. When I am at the higher end where I am now they are worse. So its time to get healthier, eat better and groan exercise.
Then maybe I will be ready to tackle this smoking issue - until then I am sorry to those I let down, because believe me I do know it and because it is my personality to really worry and get upset when someone is even slightly upset with me, I do feel guilty and like shit.
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