Is January over YET???????

Don't go away mad just go away already!!  I'm ready to go on to longer days, warmer weather

I have two more weeks left of this quarter in school, I have 2 HUGE finals - each are 3 hours and a final project due for LS 100.. 

Apparently the Superbowl is this weekend, which I did not even realize we were this close to it. Frankly if we are being honest my Christmas tree and decor are still up - I keep looking at it thinking, okay I have to put this stuff away but then I end up back into a school book thinking meh who fricken cares - the cat is thrilled to still be batting the lower branches for funzies. I also think its time to retire the tree its has better days, but I don't know what exact to do with it. Do you toss an artificial tree? Does it recycle? If it does where does one take their old artificial tree, and since I have yet to figure that out it helps justify that its still up HA! The one at the house is down and everything put up - except the lights outside. Its just my apartment that is still fully decking the halls. 

We did manage to do a small overhaul on the bathroom at the house last weekend. We had the tub refinished, put up a new tub surround - side note am I the only one on the planet who had no clue just how flimsy those things really are?? New things went up as well I have my steampunk bathroom finally! The shelf is still being finished as well as new towel holders then I'll toss pictures up here. 

When I take rent in on the 1st of February I will also turn in my notice to vacate on March 29th. This past 2 years have flown by. It seems like both yesterday and a lifetime ago that I signed the lease and picked up the keys to my first on my very own apartment sat in the middle of the empty living room on the floor looked around and thought holy shit now what. 

I guess I am ready to go in more ways than just waving January goodbye... 

2018 The Year ...... Change and Growth

I do not even know how to title 2018 much less put a summary on it... Heaven knows there is not a bow for it. Simply put 2018 was a huge year for me, one of pivotal changes. Both good and horribly bad. I could never have dreamed that when I ended 2017 and looked toward the incoming year with so much hope how very very different it would go.

2018 was one of the biggest years of changes for me. I learned a lot - that word doesn't even begin to describe how much - I learned about the people in my life and more importantly about myself. I learned that the people I thought would always, who promised to always, have my back did not. I learned that I have strength that even after all the shit I have survived in my life I have more strength and perseverance that even I could not even fathom I possessed.

I previously blogged about how people pick words for the year and somehow the work change chose me for 2018. Everything changed. I look back and see that nothing - seriously nothing is the same.  An almost 2 decade relationship ended, I moved to a whole new city in a new state, I spent a short time in a friends home since I did not have a home to call my own. I have a new career, hell even my car decided it was time to retire.  I met new people, I have new friends who have helped me through this year more than they will ever know.

I do miss some of the people I thought would always be in my life and that they were true friendships I am grateful that this year showed me their true selves. I have learned to be careful who I confide in, whom I hold close. I have chosen to let them go, wish them well and remember that when people show you who they really are do not try to repaint the picture. When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. Mya Angelou was so correct in that belief.

While I am still digging out of this past year and recovering from so many changes I do see the the light at the end. I can't say that I will look back at most of 2018 with pleasure I will cherish some aspects of it. I am, however, ready to end 2018 and start fresh with 2019. I am picking my own word this time though!

The Year of Change - 2018

Some people pick a word for the year - I never have, I understand the thought behind it. I can appreciate the motivation to embrace a word for a year instead of resolutions. I just never applied it to my own life. Apparently however a word chose me for 2018. Change picked me. This has been my biggest year of growth experiences and change that I can remember in a very long time.

Frankly most of it has been very painful, the universe decided I was to comfortable, to complacent in my own world, thus I found my world flipped inside out and upside down.  I will say that I have experienced on my own that when the Universe decides you need to make a change it will make you so uncomfortable until you have no choice but to make a change. These days I do not even recognize my own life. 

I have moved to a new city, I have a new job and I am learning a new way of just being. Its been both scary as hell and liberating all at once. I am doing things I never thought I could do.  I always knew I was a strong person but I have been learning just how much strength I have. Some days have brought me to my knees and others I have felt more joy than I have in a long time.  I know that I still have a lot to deal with and work through, but I have gotten this far and the only way out is to keep going.

While I am grateful for the lessons I am ready for things to level out a bit. I hear you Universe,  thank you for the new challenges, new experiences and the strength, I know I was only supposed to pay bills and die, life is to be really lived - but I think I will pick my own word for next year. Deal? Deal.

No Mud, No Lotus

Right now I am trying really hard to remember this teaching. Things are difficult to say the least, with a lot going on, so currently my mantra is no mud no lotus. Its a basic reminder that you have to embrace your pain and suffering to learn from it to grow and to come out the other side transformed.

Frankly, through the years there has been a metric shit ton of mud - I am ready for the lotus. A little more sunlight a little less struggle.   Maybe I just need a little more peace and strength to deal with a difficult life. Honestly there is only so much you against the world one person can take.

I know breathe, one foot in front of the other - No Mud No Lotus..

2014 In Review

Honestly I will be glad when 2014 gets the boot in the ass..  it wasn't ALL bad but 2014 by far, is going down in the history books of our life as one of the most trying.

This year saw a lot of big milestones, our 10 year wedding anniversary, my 40th birthday, the 5 year anniversary of my fathers passing. My nieces first birthday. Every day brings something new Lil Man can do or say.  He never fails to crack me up. Lately he tells everyone he can see their tukus. Something I said to him as he was streaking down the hall after a bath!  The other night I told him it was bedtime - he promptly said "No thank you" and when I insisted it was in fact his bedtime - he put me in time out!

2014 is also the year of the "plot twists" in our journey of this life. D was unemployed for awhile then totally changed career fields after 14 year of banking. Peep and Lil Man moved in with us. That itself is a reality show in the makings.  I will say I have now been in both sets of shoes. The adult child moving back home and the parent having her adult child move home. Don't care who is wearing the shoes - it all sucks.

This year I learned who the people I could count on were, who I could lean on when I just needed a moment and those who I just can't. I learned who in my life really really wanted to see me do well and who just wanted to have ring side seats for a really hard year in my life.

No matter what there will always be someone who delights in just piling more on when you are clearly ready to crack, cloaking it in "keeping it real, telling you how it is". Truth of the matter is when you are down, and that is the moment they choose to pop up and say well what about me, and start to air grievances that they have with you as a person or how you are functioning in that moment, then get pissed when you get upset is the moment their tickets need cancelled.

Some good things happened as well, I received a promotion at work and had my 4th anniversary with the company. The company is growing by leaps and bounds and it looks as though we have a really good team assembled now. D is now working for a good company with potential to move up in the ranks.  He no longer comes home daily upset about work and his boss.  Sunday nights, while still not a favorite are no longer dreaded.  My back finally seems to be on the mend.  I am hoping that really is the case and I can get back to the gym.

Starting tomorrow afternoon I am on vacation for the last week of 2014. I for one see it as a hard earned vacation, I am hoping to get some rest, workout, laugh some and catch up with friends who have been patiently waiting for my life to slow down some.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday - no matter what you celebrate, do it with the ones you love. Stop and take everything in for a second. Who know what changes tomorrow will bring you.

I'll leave you with my end of the year favorite songs - pretty much all Maroon 5's newest album right now.. Right now that is my absolute favorite album - its on continuous repeat in my car and office..