2018 The Year ...... Change and Growth

I do not even know how to title 2018 much less put a summary on it... Heaven knows there is not a bow for it. Simply put 2018 was a huge year for me, one of pivotal changes. Both good and horribly bad. I could never have dreamed that when I ended 2017 and looked toward the incoming year with so much hope how very very different it would go.

2018 was one of the biggest years of changes for me. I learned a lot - that word doesn't even begin to describe how much - I learned about the people in my life and more importantly about myself. I learned that the people I thought would always, who promised to always, have my back did not. I learned that I have strength that even after all the shit I have survived in my life I have more strength and perseverance that even I could not even fathom I possessed.

I previously blogged about how people pick words for the year and somehow the work change chose me for 2018. Everything changed. I look back and see that nothing - seriously nothing is the same.  An almost 2 decade relationship ended, I moved to a whole new city in a new state, I spent a short time in a friends home since I did not have a home to call my own. I have a new career, hell even my car decided it was time to retire.  I met new people, I have new friends who have helped me through this year more than they will ever know.

I do miss some of the people I thought would always be in my life and that they were true friendships I am grateful that this year showed me their true selves. I have learned to be careful who I confide in, whom I hold close. I have chosen to let them go, wish them well and remember that when people show you who they really are do not try to repaint the picture. When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. Mya Angelou was so correct in that belief.

While I am still digging out of this past year and recovering from so many changes I do see the the light at the end. I can't say that I will look back at most of 2018 with pleasure I will cherish some aspects of it. I am, however, ready to end 2018 and start fresh with 2019. I am picking my own word this time though!

The Year of Change - 2018

Some people pick a word for the year - I never have, I understand the thought behind it. I can appreciate the motivation to embrace a word for a year instead of resolutions. I just never applied it to my own life. Apparently however a word chose me for 2018. Change picked me. This has been my biggest year of growth experiences and change that I can remember in a very long time.

Frankly most of it has been very painful, the universe decided I was to comfortable, to complacent in my own world, thus I found my world flipped inside out and upside down.  I will say that I have experienced on my own that when the Universe decides you need to make a change it will make you so uncomfortable until you have no choice but to make a change. These days I do not even recognize my own life. 

I have moved to a new city, I have a new job and I am learning a new way of just being. Its been both scary as hell and liberating all at once. I am doing things I never thought I could do.  I always knew I was a strong person but I have been learning just how much strength I have. Some days have brought me to my knees and others I have felt more joy than I have in a long time.  I know that I still have a lot to deal with and work through, but I have gotten this far and the only way out is to keep going.

While I am grateful for the lessons I am ready for things to level out a bit. I hear you Universe,  thank you for the new challenges, new experiences and the strength, I know I was only supposed to pay bills and die, life is to be really lived - but I think I will pick my own word for next year. Deal? Deal.