I saw a quote on Pintrest the other day that I read then dismissed - so much so that I can't even find it now for this post.. Opps. I maybe should have saved it because it has been poking my grey matter for 3 days now.
It said something to the effect of stop silencing your inner voice, because that's who you truly are. Uh okay - if that is true why is it when I tried to Google that I get 5,320,000 results on HOW to shut your inner voice/critic the hell up? Frankly my inner voice/critic is my dad's voice and I do wish he'd shut up. I know I have blog posts up about missing him, and I do he was my dad, but the damage he inflicted upon me my entire life is still there.
Its in the voice that tells me I can't do something, or I am an idiot for trying. Its the voice in my head that says you look horrible in that, or you are to fat to wear that. Its the voice that says how dare you be bold who do you think you are. Its the voice that says other people are staring at you like a freak for your nose ring and your tattoos. It is the voice that has manifested an anxiety disorder. A fear of doing anything risky.
So yeah I kinda want that voice to shut the fuck up. That isn't me, that is a man who, frankly is abusing his young daughter. A man who's wife makes excuses to her daughter that its just what he knows. He was raised by an abusive man, his mother took off when he was three yadda yadda.. Yep all true, BUT he had the choice to break the mold to be different, yet he didn't and now I have an inner voice that screams louder that my own voice creating self doubt and negativity.
Given the number of results returned by Google I venture to say I am not the only one who's inner voice needs changed. My hope for the future is kids who's inner voice IS one who is their true self.