Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The thoughts of a mother..

In 20 days Peep turns 16, I am still wondering who the hell gave her permission to do so? A few days after that she goes over to the high school to start her sophomore year - again where was the permission? She rolls her eyes at me anytime I mention any comment similar to the above or refer to her as my little or baby girl. The clarification that she will always be MY baby girl rewards me with a look that says "shit - my mother has gone around the bend - where is that electroshock therapist?" *sigh* One day she will get it.

It always blows my mind to look at her and see that shes not 3 anymore and tugging on my leg to be picked up and given a cookie. If only I had one more day like that. Don't get me wrong I marvel at the young women she is, and see glimpses of who she will be that are just as mind blowing. Some days I can't help but look at her and think "wow" the exceptional woman that she will one day be.

Then I generally want to wrap her and bubble wrap to shield her from all the pain and disappointment the world can and will bring, not that for one second, I don't know shes not already experienced it, I just don't want her to ever deal with more. I know its the dream of every mother out there.

I wish that she would slow down and not be in such a hurry to grow up. As I also know and remember that I too wanted to hurry up and be out on my own. Oh the things I just knew I would do. She doesn't think that I know what that feeling is like or even remember 16. One day she will be sitting, possibly in her kitchen; as I am now, reflecting over her child and then know that I knew all to well what she was feeling and that I did get it.

The all to consuming butterflies in the stomach that just a "Hi Baby," from that oh so dreamy boyfriend could induce and often did. The knowledge that he was just "The One" and your parents could never know how that felt, and if they did they would be more understanding of the all night phone calls and how very painful saying goodnight was.

The smile that would come over your face just thinking about how he said "I love you". You were always certain that no matter what was going on just him saying I miss you could take the sting out of whatever it was that hurt or upset you, and generally he did and could. And maybe just maybe he is The One. It's happened before.

Good luck Baby Girl, Mama knows. Mama loves you. Just please slow down and enjoy it, you only get to be 16 once.

Mama

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