Monday, December 12, 2005

Its the season to be freaking jolly.

Gimmie a break - Jolly my ass.

If it is the season to be jolly then why is the day after Thanksgiving referred to as Black Friday? Want to see just how jolly it is. Go to Toys R Us that Friday and watch how jolly the parents are as they claw, scream, bite and punch their way to this years "gotta have it toy".

These oh so jolly people are the same people who will steal your parking spot at the mall after you have circled the parking lot for 45 mins looking for ANY spot not already occupied, then they will have the nerve to flip you off as you slam on your breaks to avoid hitting their car as you look at them in utter shock.

Once you make it into the mall, you will be treated to frazzled mothers yelling, screaming tantrum throwning, snot running from their nose "little angels". As dear old dad looks around fervently wishing that aliens would come kidnap him and anal probe him because that would be more pleasant than dealing with the fruit of his loins and the haggard shrew that was once his glowing bride. Yeah Jolly whatfreakinever!

If you procrastinate on shopping the above scene only gets worse, the only thing that will save your ass now is a super Wal-mart at 3 am, or Christmas shopping at the local gas station.

After you brave all of this in search of the perfect gift for the oh so picky Aunt Enda, pain staking gift wrap it in the perfect paper. Carefully transport it to the specified family gathering place and smilingly hand it to her. She will then rip the paper to shreds, turn said object in all directions then look at you as if you punched in the nose and gave her tickets to the nearest fat farm and say "Well I see you grabbed the first thing you saw in the discount bin at the dollar store".

Next year do yourself a favor purchase gift certificates on-line and then book yourself a week at the spa..

Tis the season to be freaking jolly... Bite me Santa

1 comment:

  1. Or, you will discuss with your cousin what her kids and yours want for Christmas, get them expensive Lego sets and ship them, only to have your kids get ugly-ass shirts with the Kohl's clearance stickers still on them. That's what happened to my sister.

    ReplyDelete

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