I know its been well over a month, such as life. My plate is pretty full at the moment; there is no room for even a smidgen of anything else.

With the teen child its 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. At this rate I should just hand over my 401(k) to her therapist and be done with it. A few weeks back we had a major step back and I ended up in an emergency session with the doctor not just the therapist, but the big gun.

I think her therapist and her shrink need to get on the same damn page of the same fucking book. The doctor says I am moving in the right direction in my parenting, the therapist tells me that I need parenting class.. Between the 2 very different views the teen child has a huge spectrum in which to manipulate the parental folks here. Makes for a very chaotic house.

On April 27, 2006 the worst words in the English language were spoken. Your father has cancer. It seems unreal to even type those words. Now my father and I do not in any way have the ideal relationship, in fact we put the fun in dysFUNction. Nevertheless those words were like a huge punch in the stomach followed by a Chuck Norris style roundhouse kick to the head.
Even now I can't put words to the emotions.

Ironically, yesterday, found me volunteering at a breast cancer survivor luncheon. I sat in a room of 1200 people 95% of the people there were survivors and their co-survivors (husbands, daughters, best friends etc). It was overwhelming and yet inspiring. I sat there trying in vain to control my tears as the stories were shared, hugs were given and laughs were had.

At my table were a mother and daughter both survivors. The daughter was not much older than I am now when she was diagnosed. That just blows my mind. Women my age are not supposed to be a risk group. One woman there was diagnosed at 19.

Right now I am just in my world, isolating myself in order to deal with what is going on. That in and of its self causes me to feel guilty. I just don’t have the energy to deal with other drama at the moment. I just can’t seem to pick up the phone and make a few phone calls that I was supposed to. That makes me feel like a bad friend, which induces more guilt. I keep reminding myself of one thing one of my best friends keeps telling me, “You do not have to keep being someone else’s backbone, its alright to say I can’t right now.”

Teenagers, headaches, fender benders and trips to the emergency room

What a fucking weekend. I'd call a muligan but I would be afraid of repeating it. Saturday I had a killer headache and was in the middle of trying to detox from a ton of over the counter meds. So in that respect I was living with the pain. Finally Saturday evening I feel some relief, I can think clearly and my head is down to a dull roar. I decide to polish my nails.

Now my nails are a huge deal for me. I am very particular about them, I can't stand chipped or messed up polish in any way shape or form. In saying that you need to realize this means my polish is changed on a weekly basis or sooner if I have a chip or nick. Saturday they were unpolished *gasp*.

I grab my favorite bottle of OPI from my basket and sit on the floor by the side table. I have a coke and Legally Blonde in the DVD player, good time ready to be had by all. The nail polish top is stuck. This thing will not move. So I grasp the bottle tighter to get a better grip and twist. All of a sudden there is a searing pain in my hand and polish everywhere. The bottle had shattered embedding glass in my hand, in the space between my thumb and first finger. There is a huge peice of glass just hanging there out of my hand.

Banker Boy responds by getting me into the bathroom, hand over sink and pulling the glass out. Oh damn I thought I was going to be sick, we then assess that this deems a trip to the emergency room and a $75 dollar co-pay. Toss a towel over bleeding hand and inform sully teenager to get dressed we got to go. Hell you would have thought we would have asked that child to rewrite the magna carta in fucking calligraphy.

2 stiches later and a debate on how I am so not having a tetnus shot, later we head home. I ask for a detour to the gas station for a new coke and a pack of cigarettes. While inside the gas station, some jackass hits my parked car. WTF then he gives attitude because Banker Boy wants a police report.

Fast forward to Sunday. Snotty teenager is STILL trying to take snotty to a whole new level. I am off housework for a week doctor's orders. Banker Boy is out changing the brakes on his truck and transporting his sisters furniture to her new apartment. I kindly request that said teen help me with cleaning up. It would have been easier to ask her to teach the world to sing. At some point in the afternoon she even started arguing with me about arguing with me.

Aparently there is a new language in the world of teens. Clean your room translates to take a 45 minute shower. Your grounded translates to aruging with mom that this does not include going to someones house or having them come here under the guise of homework. Watch your mouth means see how long it takes to make your mothers head explode..

Is it Monday YET????????????

Absolute Frustration

Yeah I know two posts in one day. Neither post really could be melted into just one so...

In the world of Sweet Potato Queens we have a phrase, dropping one's basket, for regular mortals this simply means at the end of one's rope. Yeah there is that whole tie a knot in it, but there are times when the end of said rope is so frayed it is a real possbility that the knot will not hold.

I find myself with my basket balanced on just a finger tip, swinging back and forth in the breeze, ready to drop. In sort I am so frustrated I can't see straight. I am always tired but have trouble sleeping. In addition to chronic daily headaches for 7 years and counting, I am afraid my stomach is rebelling. Its really no wonder with all the meds I take on a daily basis for pain control which is quickly becomming uncontrolable.

I am tired of taking more meds than any person should ever have to only to get 45 mins of just tolorable pain levels. Its not normal to go through a bottle of 100 count migrane medication in a week and a half, plus living on narcotics. No wonder my stomach is saying alright already its enough. Thing is I don't know what to do, where to turn. Surgery been there done that - now worse off. Anti siezure meds - yeah got that t-shirt.

*sigh*

Nick part deux

After some clarification by People magazine. I owe Nick a huge I'm sorry. Apparently the asking for jewelry back is not all that it seems. Its a formality that usually occurs when there is the possiblity of who's personal things belong to whom and Nick was simply asking for his personal things..

Nick, Nick, Nick

Nick hunny, I realize that Jess now makes more money than you do now and I can understand asking for spousal support. However, to ask for jewelry back that you gave as a gift - tres tacky darlin'.

I know your mama taught you better than that, a gift is a gift. Jess is not asking you for the $50,000 watch back or the sports car she gave you. Lick your wounds, put your career back together and move on sugar. In short be a man about this split.

2005 Year in Review

I borrowed this from a close friend Radiovixen (link to the right). I liked it so much I thought I would add it to my own blog..


What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Legally changed my name.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I do have some for this year however.

Did someone close to you give birth?
Yes

Did anyone close to you die
No

What countries did you visit?
I didn't go out of the country.

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More confidence in my self, a bit more money and less bills.

What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The entire summer - my family went on a journey that I would never wish on anyone.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Dealing with things head on.

What was your biggest failure?
Not protecting my daughter better - having blinders on.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes.

What was the best thing you bought?
My pink and white Christmas tree - it brought me a lot of joy.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends, several delt with mother nature and the aftermath with grace and dignity, going above and beyond.
Megan was my rock during a very rough time, there will never be enough thanks yous or words to describe how grateful I am to call her friend.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People I thought were close friends.

Where did most of your money go?
Bills and meds

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
This year being over.

What song will always remind you of 2005?
Rascal Flatts Moving On

Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or hardened? Hardened
thinner or fatter? Thinner
richer or poorer? Richer

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging with friends & laughing

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying

How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
More in love than I already was

Any one-night stands?
No

What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
There are several people that never need to speak to me again.

What was the best book you read?
Memoirs of a Geshia

What was your greatest musical discovery?
The off button on my daughter's rap

What did you want and get?
Help in the office

What did you want and not get?
Better Health

Favorite film of this year?
Memoirs of a Geshia

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to dinner & my husband bought me a beautiful ring. I am still 29 :D)

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
For my family to have not gone through the 10th leval of hell.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
LA Law meets Sex in the City

What kept you sane?
My friends specifically Megan

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nick Lachey

What political issue stirred you the most?
The Terri Schivo case.

Who do you miss?
One of my oldest friends we went to grade school together and have lost touch. Its been years since I have spoken to her.

Who was the best new person you met?
I would have to say Toyna.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: It's seriously too short and your life doesn't last too long so you've got to jump at the chance when it hangs in front of you. Don't wait. (I loved this answer so much I am borrowing this also!

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get byBut I will tryI will try
Wipe the tears from my eyesI'm beautifully brokenAnd I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully brokenAnd I don't care if I show it
Everyday is a new dayI'm reminded of the past
Every time there's another stormI know that it won't last
Every moment I'm filled with hope cause I got another chance
But I will tryI will try
Got nothingLeft to hide
Without the highs and the lows
Where would we go
Where would we go

I have been tagged

One of my closest friends, Radiovixen tagged me, and said my blog needed updating so here are my answers.

Four jobs you've had in your life: Waitress, hostess, webmistress, currently a paralegal

Four movies you could watch over and over: Steel Magnolias, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmyer, Fried Green Tomatoes, Grease 2

Four places you've lived: California, Florida, Germany, Colorado.

Four TV shows you love to watch: ER, Greys Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Dr 90210

Four websites you visit daily: Sweetpotatoqueens, The courts website.

Four of your favorite foods: Egg Rolls, steak, sausage biscuits & gravy, shrimp.

Four places you'd rather be: The beach in Florida - thats it thats the list

Four albums you can't live without: damn all my stuff is mixed CD's Pat Benatar's greatest hits, Match Box Twenty (any of them), Lisa Marie Prestly's Now What, Prince Purple Rain.