Sunday, May 01, 2005

How to spot a bad girl

Bad girls sip only champagne and cocktails - not beer, wine, sherry, mineral water, cafe latte, or Darjeeling tea. Think Martinis, Stingers, Black Russians. Bad girls prefer spandex, halters, high heels, fishnet stockings, silk, suede, leather, or white satin cut on the bias and black satin cut down to here.

Bad girls have blond, raven or flaming tresses, red mouths and nails. Think Mae West, Rita Hayworth, Ava Gardner. But the baddest girls have mousy brown hair. Bad girls wear capri pants, mules, cashmere or mohair twinsets, silk scarves covering their pin curls and black sunglasses to the grocery store, then don black tuxedos and silver fox boas at night.Bad girls are in touch with their inner bitch because they run with dobermans wearing studded black leather collars.

Bad girls travel to Vegas with their ex's gold card while their own name is still on it. Are passionately loyal to their friends. Have been known to torture those who break the hearts of pals. Bad girls call the psychic friends network. Have their own astrologer. Know a cusp is not an intimately transmitted condition.

Bad girls listen to Billy Holiday. Know the importance of regular waxing. Bad girls exercise muscles the rest of us don't even know we have. Bad girls smell expensive and never leave the house without wearing fabulous earrings. Read Nietzsche. Buy the National Enquirer. Can pronounce Goethe and recite Fleurs du Mal. Bad girls use cigarette holders; really bad girls attend cigar dinners.Bad girls like disguises: they like presenting themselves as perfect moms, ice princesses, and librarians.

Bad girls are passionate while the rest of the world is cool. Prefer gold to silver. Bare their midriffs, never their souls. Bad girls make hay on Ralph Lauren sheets. Bad girls never marry for love which is why they often change their names. Really bad girls have numbered bank accounts. Bad girls know it's not the cards your dealt but how well you play your hand. Bad girls win at blackjack. Vacation at backgammon tournaments in Monaco. Frequent pool halls but shoot billards. Have a bookie, accountant, and lawyer on retainer.

Bad girls send large checks to good causes and never take a tax deduction. Bad girls don't just want to have fun, they make sure they do. Bad girls are committed to the philosophy of personal pleasure.Most of us are only bad girls in our dreams. But there's a pattern in bad-girl lifestyle that deserves contemplation. Bad girls buy what they want to buy, eat what they want to eat, wear what they want to wear, sleep when they want to sleep.

Bad girls do not have therapists because they don't need them. Instead, they have housekeepers and masseuses.Bad girls realize this isn't a dress rehearsal. Real life is what you make of it.You can be bad. You can be good. You just sure as hell better be authentic."

3 comments:

  1. kaylynn, you make me want to be badder than i am.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL Jelly go for it girlfriend I am right behind you..

    ReplyDelete

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