Wednesday, June 01, 2005

30 Things you would love to say at work.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2 How about never? Is never good for you?
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
4. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
7. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
8. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
9. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
10. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
12.Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
13. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
14. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
15. What am I flypaper for freaks?
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be..?
18. Do I look like a people person?
19. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
20. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
21. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
22. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
23. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
24. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
25. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
26. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
27. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
28. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
29. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
30. How do I set a laser printer to stun?