KayLynn's Reality

The entitled generation

2011-02-22T10:38:00.003-06:00

There is a entire generation who believes that they are entitled to just about everything. Honestly this one is totally societies fault. For years "experts" have told us to build a child self esteem you need to reward every little thing they do, and we did, and now their sense of "you owe me" makes us want to smack them.

Now days there is a trend that every event has a trophy or prize for every kid no matter what, accolades are way over the top all in the spirit of making that child feel great.... Then one day they hit the real world and discover that no one is throwing them a parade for breathing.

Past generations have worked hard to succeed, and if they didn't they were left in the dust. Its how the saying "survival of the fittest" was born. Those generations know how to take care of themselves and survive. They are the generations that can not figure out why one earth little Sally Jo fresh out of grad school and gets pissed shes doesn't have the corner office and the 6 figure salary. Little Sally Jo hasn't earned it, shes not paid her dues for that corner office and big salary yet, however she feels we owe her those rewards because she walks and talks.

We are not doing today's youth any favors by giving them a prize for every little things they do. Its a disservice to be honest, as the real world will look at them and think "you want what? For doing what your supposed to do anyway? Really??" I'm not saying that self esteem doesn't need to be boosted, and that parents shouldn't build self esteem in their children, but there is a point where you go way over the line and it will bite you in the ass years later.

Something to think about when handing that small child a trophy for best bench warmer........

No fancy smancy title

2009-06-19T16:41:00.002-05:00

So last weeks dental appointment went very well. The oral surgeon who had the misfortune to be recommend to me was fabulous!!! He was caring and gentle, he decided that nitrous was the way to go and let me test drive it at this appointment gratis. For that I will forever be grateful to him. All the rest of my dental work will be done using the method of Valium and nitrous. Trust me they can construct a runway to land a 747 in your mouth and you will NOT give a shit with this combination!

I gave up smoking 5 days ago, I stumbled today. Its been a particularly rough day for me. Seems like everything came down on me today. I feel bad for stumbling and am not really looking forward to telling my husband. I will recenter and refocus and start over tomorrow. Today I just feel blah.

Confessions of a dental phobe

2009-06-10T05:33:00.002-05:00

Ok its been well over a year since I have blogged. I admit to it lets move on.

In a little over 24 hours I have a dental appointment. To those who know me this is BIG.. I have always said I'd rather give birth naturally to octuplets than to see the dentist. This past week and a half - ummm not so much.

I woke up Saturday May 30th feeling like I had been worked over by Mike Tyson with a luieville slugger. I went to the dentist that following Monday received antibiotics (which are their own evil btw), pain pills and a little slip of paper that refers to me to yet another tool wielding white coat wearing object of my massive fear that pretty much says "yank it the fuck out!" Since the pain has only mildly improved since them I say bring it on!!!

Me hollering Bring it on in regards to a member of the dental profession is HUGE, monumental even. I rank those people up there with clowns (come on Penny Wise fucked us ALL up). I have always had a bad experience sitting in that chair, so much so that now I climb in it forget that I am 35 curl up in a fetal position, suck my thumb and refuse to remove it an open my mouth. Any wonder why ALL of them demand I now be medicated to even call the dental office?? I do have some Valium in reserve for tomorrow's adventure.

At this point the only thing I can say that I am apprehensive about is that 5 foot needle going into my mouth. Which floors most people since I have tattoos and some body piercing (my navel you perv not THAT!) My response to that is I'm not now nor do I even have the desire to tattoo or pierce my mouth DUH that shit HURTS!!

After this procedure I do have plans to restore the rest of my mouth, as I have come to realize, the pain and discomfort that is brought forth is nothing compared to the last week and a half not does it last that damn long, and the fact I have been in pain like this is my own damn fault) write that shit on your calendar, I admitted to it and in PRINT even) because I have neglected my dental health for so long out of plain fear.

Realizations

2007-11-20T22:34:00.000-06:00

What I've come to realize:

1. I've come to realize that my butt: Is just fine

2. I have come to realize that I talk: Sometimes before I truely think about what I am saying.

3. I've come to realize that I love: Either 150% or not at all - there is no middle ground

4. I've come to realize that I have: Strength, lots of it.

5. I've come to realize that I've lost: The rose colored glasses I used to view the world with

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when: Someone tells me I can't do something - yes I can and I will damn well show you.

8. I've come to realize that Marriage: Either is or isn't, there is no way to hammer a square peg in a round hole.

9. I've come to realize that: I can face the impossible and conquer it, I already have.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be: Undeniably me

11. I've come to realize that I need to go: And do what makes my heart sing.

12. I've come to realize that, the last time I cried was: A few days ago

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is: My right arm lol. And sometimes my life line.

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning: Whatever the day throws at me, I can take

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night: I have done the very best I can for that day

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about? Someone very special

17. I've come to realize that babies are: A gift

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace: I may be suprised at what I find

19. I've come to realize that today I will: Take a deep breath

20. I've come to realize that tonight I will:Relax21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: Do my best

22. I've come to realize that I really want to: Watch the sunrise with the love of my life, and just be for that moment.

23. I've come to realize that I just miss: The small moments that make rocking chair memories, because I am going way to fast.

Not right now...

2007-10-04T21:56:00.001-05:00

Your a strong woman - its a phrase I have heard several times over the past few days. Yeah I am, so whats your point?

Just because I am a strong woman and have delt with more than my fair share of shitty deals in life doesn't mean that I can't get upset. It doesn't mean that I have just deal and can't have a few moments, a few tears. Yes I have survived more in my short life time than most people ever will see in 90 years.

However there are still moments when life has beaten even me to the point of constant tears and the feeling that I am done, I am tired. I am allowed, even if for a few seconds, where I am tired where I don't want to put one more foot in front of the other. I am allowed to take the weight of the world off my shoulders for even a moment.

So this is it, this is my moment, I am tired, I don't want to put one more foot in front of the other. I want to curl up and just be for a second. I want to close my eyes and let it all pass by. There is no crime in saying "I can't, not right now".

I can't - not right now.....

Every Woman Should Have

2007-09-12T22:06:00.001-05:00

Every Woman Should Have
Maya Angelou

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... .. a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE. One friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE. Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... A feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder ... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone ... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW. Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table ... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

2am Random Musings and other shit

2007-09-08T01:59:00.000-05:00

2 am on Friday night/Saturday morning one of my favorite times. I get to stay up as late as I want and not have to worry about draggin ass at the office the next day, and its quiet. Generally I am up reading a book or watching a move. Tonight I have been surfing archived blog entries.

This is week has been a spectacular craptastic week, totally fucking waste of makeup. Yes the whole damn week. It started last week and just progressively got worse. I am positive it was the universes way of saying "fuck you , fuck you right in the ear".

I finally called and made a doctors appointment for next week. Those who know me are cheering. I have been putting this off for awhile (read LONG while). However my pain management is no longer managing and I am taking more and more meds and getting less and less relief and have started to have new issues. So Weds afternoon will find me seeing the doctor. Now I just gotta get to the Gyn and the dentist - yeah don't hold your breath on that last one unless you think smurf blue really is your color.

September is here - which is not that bad, except it brings falls, not that I have an issue with fall per say but fall brings winter and I have HUGE issues with winter. I fucking HATE winter. Snow, ice, frigid temps yeah not FUN. This southern girl wants warm sunshine and balmy breezes and the smell of summer all damn year long. Leaves turning, crisp air and sweaters all suck ass thank you very much.

Congress decided to screw with daylight savings so I don't even get my extra hour of sleep to compensate for the nasty weather until much later this year. Overblown windbags, your the same dumb asses who messed with the bankruptcy laws that are giving me such a hard time at work on a daily basis. Once can only hope that soon all y'all will get your cranial rectal reverses scheduled. And while we are at it stop voting yourselves raises. No where else on earth can you do that. Come live in the real fucking world for once, shit its not like y'all are curing cancer or AIDS your just not that damn important!!

Spammers - stop sending me crap emails - I don't need a bigger penis thank you very fucking much, I am not falling for your "lottery" and the virus you keep trying to inflict on my pc with your greeting cards from coworkers and old friends is not funny.

My mind at 2 am is a strange place to be...

Its September again

2007-09-05T21:56:00.000-05:00

Next week will be September 11, a hard day for just about every American alive. The day for me is especially painful. I will never forget, as so many of us never will, exactly where I was. I was on I435 on my way to work when the news came over the radio that the first tower was hit. I was in my office when the second hit. At that moment I was glued to the radio, never knowing the call I would receive later that night would drop me to my knees.

I left my office early that day - most of us did. To go home and watch the coverage. I remember sitting glued to the TV tears just flowing as they replayed the plane crashes over and over. Images that are forever burned into my mind now.

I vaguely remember hearing the phone ring. But will never forget the call. I listened as a disconnected voice told me that Craig's brother had been in the first tower. Panic overwhelmed me as this event became even more personal. Anger came from no where. I screamed and fell to my knees. I had seen the coverage, I knew what the chances were of survival, it had been years since I had even uttered anything resembling a prayer. But I prayed for hours that he was still with us and if not by the grace of God please please have let it be quick and as painless as possible.

Chris was the brother I never had. My own personal James Dean. Man I miss you. every once in a while I will swear I hear your voice or see you walking around the corner. I almost scream your name when it hits me your gone. Your future was so bright.

It kills me that I will never see your smile again, hear your laugh when you tease me. I get mad when I think about never being at your wedding, holding your kids and playing Auntie. I know there is a reason for everything, this one I am still searching for.

As the 11th comes near again just like any other time you are never far from my mind. I promise to try not to cry this year, but to celebrate the phenomenal but short life you led. I love and miss you every day.

Sigh

2007-07-31T21:14:00.000-05:00

Sophomore registration was today

The one

2007-07-25T20:59:00.000-05:00

She stands on the porch on a clear dark night looking up at a thousand stars thinking. A soft smile on her face, butterflies in her stomach. In the distance she hears a deep rumble of his bike coming up the dirt lane to her. He is the one, the one she longs for. Her one true love. He knows her thoughts, her dreams. He knows where she’s been and where she is headed.

He has held her hand, spoken soft in her ear, calmed her fears. Late a night he is the one she tells her deepest thoughts to. Held her when she cried and wiped her eyes. The tender hand of love.

Together they have traveled almost everything life can cruelly toss at you, sometimes together sometimes apart. He knows her thoughts sometimes better than she does.

The roar of the bike still now, as he gazes at her, he walks to her. He is behind her and silently takes her into his arms and quietly sighs. She leans back into him and draws in a deep breath.

She has finally come home…

© 2007 KayLynn

The thoughts of a mother..

2007-07-24T23:35:00.000-05:00

In 20 days Peep turns 16, I am still wondering who the hell gave her permission to do so? A few days after that she goes over to the high school to start her sophomore year - again where was the permission? She rolls her eyes at me anytime I mention any comment similar to the above or refer to her as my little or baby girl. The clarification that she will always be MY baby girl rewards me with a look that says "shit - my mother has gone around the bend - where is that electroshock therapist?" *sigh* One day she will get it.

It always blows my mind to look at her and see that shes not 3 anymore and tugging on my leg to be picked up and given a cookie. If only I had one more day like that. Don't get me wrong I marvel at the young women she is, and see glimpses of who she will be that are just as mind blowing. Some days I can't help but look at her and think "wow" the exceptional woman that she will one day be.

Then I generally want to wrap her and bubble wrap to shield her from all the pain and disappointment the world can and will bring, not that for one second, I don't know shes not already experienced it, I just don't want her to ever deal with more. I know its the dream of every mother out there.

I wish that she would slow down and not be in such a hurry to grow up. As I also know and remember that I too wanted to hurry up and be out on my own. Oh the things I just knew I would do. She doesn't think that I know what that feeling is like or even remember 16. One day she will be sitting, possibly in her kitchen; as I am now, reflecting over her child and then know that I knew all to well what she was feeling and that I did get it.

The all to consuming butterflies in the stomach that just a "Hi Baby," from that oh so dreamy boyfriend could induce and often did. The knowledge that he was just "The One" and your parents could never know how that felt, and if they did they would be more understanding of the all night phone calls and how very painful saying goodnight was.

The smile that would come over your face just thinking about how he said "I love you". You were always certain that no matter what was going on just him saying I miss you could take the sting out of whatever it was that hurt or upset you, and generally he did and could. And maybe just maybe he is The One. It's happened before.

Good luck Baby Girl, Mama knows. Mama loves you. Just please slow down and enjoy it, you only get to be 16 once.

Mama

Hey you, yeah you behind me...

2007-06-19T21:00:00.000-05:00

Turn your fucking radio down. If my car, yep the one 2 cars in front of your piece of shit, is vibrating then your music is to loud.

By the way your sound system SUCKS! The bass is supposed to sound like something more than a pissed off jackhammer at 3 am in suburbia, dumb ass. Further more if I really wanted to hear that wannabe music I'd be in your car sitting next to you.

I give less than a damn if its the latest by rapper Dz doesn'tmakealickofsencecouldn'tmakeitonyaMTVrapsifheblewthevj, it SUCKS ASS. Learn what real music is then crank up the volume.

By the way I don't think you qualify for the Senior discount on the latest hearing aid at 23.

Come on down...and get bitchslapped??

2007-06-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

Rosie as a replacement for Bob Barker?? Is CBS smoking crack?

Apparently Bob Barker is endorsing his friend Rosie as a possible replacement for him on his game show. Now as a acquaintance of mine pointed out "why not, shes big, loud and larger than life." And he says there is not much room for politics to be brought into it. Ok point taken. However, after the talk shows and being able to say what she wanted when she wanted as long as it did not violate FCC regulations.

Personally, not that what I think matters one bit, I think the game show would bore her. I feel that she thrived on being controversial and under that making people think. No matter how you feel about Rosie, you have to give her the kudos for being passionate about her views, whether or not you agree.

I don't agree with most of her views on assorted topics, I liked the "Queen of Nice" myself and don't really know what to think of this angry Rosie. Which Rosie is the real Rosie? Or she she a combination of both, and the pendulum has just swung to far to one side at the moment and she needs to find her middle ground.

On the other hand maybe the game show would bring some of the nice back.

Trying to find old friends

2007-06-12T22:56:00.001-05:00

On a whim I googled a old friend of mine from my early childhood. I came across several articles which mentioned her. I read about her high school reunion and found some recent schedules for a local school where we (ok mostly she as I was busy moving around the world) grew up.

I also came across several email addresses for her, or at least they could be her. So I shot off a quick email - one bounced back almost instantly. The other appears to be sent - Fingers crossed! If nothing else I did find an email address for her mother, I can always try that one.

Wow it would be so cool to reconnect with her. Its been years since I have had contact with her. I was married to the anti-christ and Peep was a small child. She had just had her first baby and was having a ball being a new mom. Then I left the aforementioned anti-christ and lost contact. Oh the things that have changed since those days. Peep is almost 16 I am remarried and have changed my name.

I hope its her and we reconnect. If for nothing else because we used to be inseparable and have over a decade to catch up on.

NEW PC!!!!

2007-06-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

Well the new baby is here. She's a blazing fast machine and already a beloved member of the family. She was delivered June 10th at 11:42 am. We are still getting used to the little things and fine tuning other things. It took me forever to sign on to blogger - something about a cookie issue that I did fix yet blogger was still not a happy camper about it. It is a fluke that I am here and typing this out! We are looking forward to years of enjoyment and entertainment..

A Spring Saturday and some other news

2007-04-21T14:37:00.000-05:00

Hot damn spring is here!!!!! I love warmer weather.. it is no secret that I live in the Midwest because my darling husband loves it here. I am a southern girl who does not fair well in the Midwest winters.. *mumble fucking hate snow* So when the weather calms down and the flowers start peeking out, the grass turns green and the warm breezes come to town I am a happy girl..

Today I am just chilling at home, got the windows open its 77 degrees out. The oil burner is going with a cucumber melon scent and I am puttering around the house. Little surfin the web, little cleaning, baked some brownies music is playing on the ol pc.. I am HAPPY!!!

In other news, I spent a few nights ago surfin myspace. I put up a page ages ago then forgot it existed. The other night I had a friend request and remember that it was there so I went looking. I ended up on my high school alumni site and re-discovered an old friend.

How I let 15 years go by without even attempting to reconnect with old friends is beyond me. We had a blast talking last night on the phone and just catching up and walking down memory lane. Looking back high school was pretty much a blast and not the tragic drama it seemed back then LOL.

So readers, a tip from me to you, reconnect with an old friend. Maybe you have their address, phone number or email and once in awhile think about dropping them a line and seeing whats up and just have not done so. I know we are all busy, but stop for 5 minutes and drop them a line. You may be delighted.

Random thoughts and ramblings

2007-04-15T01:10:00.000-05:00

Spent the last 3 days on the couch heavily out of it on cold meds.. I hate being sick and I don't do it very well at all. With everything eles going on and my other medical issues the common cold really pisses me off. Nothing fucking helps and if it did they either took it off the market or changed the formula because of the stupid ass meth heads. Fuck you right in the ear meth bitches..

Apparently while I was out of it a huge ruckus erupted with Don Imus - not that I give a shit I never listened to him anyhow. HOWEVER, not that I am condoning what he said, last I checked this was America and you were free to say whatever you wanted no matter how ate up with the dumb ass it was. Its a good thing that not everyone gets fired for the half baked simple remarks they say or the unemployment rate would be sky high. Retail stores alone would be employee-less. I can't tell you the countless remarks that I have heard come out of a retail sales persons mouth that were offensive.

So the baby daddy is Larry.... well DUH. Kudos to Howard though for stepping up and saying that he was on Larry's side and would do whatever it took to keep that freak Virgie away from that precious baby. Shes a nutball. There are reasons Anna wanted nothing to do with her, had not spoken to her in 10 years and called her mommy dearest. And that half sister of hers writing that book to set the record straight? Bitch what do you know? You only had a relationship with her for 2 years in the mid 90's. Shame on you for trying to make a buck off your sister who is not even able to speak up and defend herself. Your mama should have taught you better.

Well thats all that is rambling around in my head at the moment.. Whats in yours?

A new perspective

2007-04-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

I couldn't sleep last night. I had gotten more than just a little down after yesterday's events and found myself listening to the music I have on my pc and surfin the net. In my travels I found a website memorial a mother had designed for her son. As I found myself reading the pages and the tributes of a mother, father and friends who had lost someone way too soon without warning. I discovered myself just sobbing in sorrow over a teenage boy I'd never met.

In that moment reading his mothers words I had a realization, no matter how upset I am over the way things are going, the turn of events we are dealing with and will deal with for the rest of our life, I still have my baby. Yes I grieve for certain things that may never be and ideals that have changed, but when its all said and done I have my daughter. Many who have had to deal with this disorder no longer have their child.

So even in the midst of the drama, the fights from hell, the worn out days where I think my giveashitter is broken beyond repair, I will stop, think and say a prayer that at least I have her - it could be so much worse. There will always be the good days and the not so good days, we will even have very very bad days but we at least have them and for that I will always be grateful. And for ever good day that balances several bad ones in a row, I will treasure them and learn to hang on to those days to get us through the tough ones.

Bitchfest 2007

2007-04-08T00:16:00.000-05:00

Well the torch for bitchfest 2007 was lit today. The 15 year old girl child and I went a few rounds today. She seems to think that I should let her do whatever she wants whenever. She is shocked and appalled when I voice a dissenting opinion on anything. This particular fight was over homework. Specifically a project due weeks ago in which we, the parental units, went to bat for her and obtained an extension for her.

The new due date for said project is this coming Monday. However when I voiced the thought that perhaps she should get off the phone and work on it - you would have thought that I told her that we sold her to the Nigerian prince in exchange for the secrets needed to run our very own successful Internet scam.

After much screaming, gnashing of teeth, the removal of life support [her cell phone] and some pounding on the wall; which resorted in breakage of a porcelain angel that I have had since I was a young child, the end result was her going to take a shower and my blood pressure going through the roof. Which by the way, my doctor told me yesterday was high and to eliminate the stress in my life. Yeah that's so do-able doc. Enter the Nigerian prince lol.

What a journey the next few years will be. I have to wonder if we will emerge on the other side whole. Scarred yes, but will we be whole? I know that the teen years are never easy, they are even worse in today's world. But to enhance that experience with a teen that has a mental issue is just mind blowing.

I know that life is not fair in any way, but there are times when its less fair than normal. There are times that you just can't help but feel like the universe has decided to pick on you, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. This whole saying that you don't get more than you handle - bullshit. Most days we are flying by the seat of our pants and just hoping not to get smashed to badly when the flight comes to a crash landing in the middle of no where and the black box is distroyed beyond recognition.

Someone once said that motherhood is not for the weak. Motherhood is having the courage to allow your heart to walk outside of your body.

I swear I have not fallen off the face of the earth..

2007-03-29T22:57:00.000-05:00

I am just insanely busy. There is a lot going on for me both personally and professionally. Learning to balance it all has become a huge challenge.

Professionally things are busy but very good. We are down a few staff members, but have hired a new legal assistant. I am partial as he is a very good friend, but I do think that finally we have a good no make that phenomenal fit in our office. He is a quick learner and not only bright but brilliant.

Personally, not so much. I am still learning to process and deal with everything that is going on in my family. My 15 year old, the first love of my life has finally been diagnosed as bipolar. I say finally but it seems that her doctor has diagnosed her for at least year, however he has just decided to inform us of it. This sends me on a huge tidal wave of emotions. I am pissed, hurt, angry and overwhelmingly sad. If we are to play this "game" it would be fair to have all the play pieces and the rules.

I would like to say that the hesitation to let us in on this nugget of information was to be cautious. Maybe he was waiting to make sure, however my mind screams that this was so very very wrong and even cruel to do this to her and us. This whole time we were told that the issues she was having were not permanent and that she would come off medication. At one point he even attempted to remove her from meds. That was a horrid time. It took just 2 weeks for her to downward spin. In my opinion that was cruel and unnecessary to do to her if you have known all this time she is in fact bipolar and a rapid cycler at that.

The other emotions that I am dealing with in processing this illness is the fact that even though normally life is not fair and not always easy, she will always struggle more than the average person. Not to say that this wondrous child is average by any means, she is an extraordinary young woman. But with everything that shes lived through and dealt with in her short 15 years, why this too? Who the fuck asked you to make her life even harder? Who the hell are you to do this to her? When is enough enough? And finally thanks a fucking lot.

Current age vs real age

2007-01-30T21:27:00.000-06:00

Talk about an eye opener. I am only 32 (mark this down, its one of the only times I give my age as more than 29) but I took this health quiz and it says my real age is 40.8 *thud*. Some life style changes are diffently in order.. Time to up the vitamins & exercise and lower the red meat among other tips & suggestions the website has.

Find your real age www.realage.com

Whats your funky inner hair color

2007-01-18T21:27:00.000-06:00

Yeah like this will shock anyone who knows me LOL

Your Hair color should be pink!

Hyper, insane, and a boatload of fun.You're a traveling party that everyone loves to follow.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Happy New Year, a look back and hopes for the year to come.

2006-12-31T17:11:00.000-06:00

Wow another year comes to a close. Time sure does fly the older you get..

Today marks 6 years (3 dating and 3 married) that my darlin Banker Boy and I have been together, it seems like it was just the other day that we were hanging out in what used to be Orlando’s, and you were drawing faces on my arm with my lip-gloss, telling me a string joke.
When I look back over the past 6 years I see how blessed I have been. Even when times are tough there is no one I'd rather be traveling this road with than you.

My daughter has come along way this year, I am very proud of the young woman she is turning out to be. Its taken a lot of hard work to get to this point, at times we have had to drag her kicking and screaming through this journey, but she’s making it. I know that one day it will be all worth it and on the other side will be one strong graceful lady who will be one for the world to reckon with.

My hopes for the year ahead are that we continue to take what the world throws at us with grace and dignity. I hope though that things are a little easier and that fate is a little kinder to us. I wish my husband more happiness and my daughter more self-awareness.

As for me I plan to start working on things that have been ignored for to long and left to lay dormant in hopes that it would just fade away. I know now that after seeing the journey my daughter has been on that its just not possible, things have to be sorted out and questions answered before they no longer haunt us. I hope to be able to tackle it with as much courage as my daughter has shown, so that I may come out the other side a better person with a stronger understanding of myself.

My wish for all of you is that you find what you need and that you do what makes you truly happy. Life is either to long or to short to be unhappy..

2006 Year in Review

2006-12-26T00:53:00.000-06:00

What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Nothing that I can think of.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nope, yes I will attempt resolutions again this year.

Did someone close to you give birth?
Not yet

Did anyone close to you die
No

What countries did you visit?
I didn't go out of the country.

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
More confidence in my self, a bit more money and less bills.

What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
This past summer was again a bumpy ass ride.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Dealing with things head on.

What was your biggest failure?
Not holding my temper well, and once again letting family get away with guilting me into doing things I don’t want to do.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes.

What was the best thing you bought?
My husband a new cell phone. I hated his old one.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My daughters, she has come along way in a year.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Certain family members.

Where did most of your money go?
Bills and meds

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
This year being over.

What song will always remind you of 2006?
Don’t Cha.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or hardened? Hardened
thinner or fatter? Fatter
richer or poorer? Richer

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging with friends & laughing

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing

How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family.

Did you fall in love in 2006?
More in love than I already was

Any one-night stands?
No

What was your favorite TV program?
Grey’s Anatomy.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

What was the best book you read?
The Interruption of everything.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
The off button on my daughter's rap.

What did you want and get?
A better handle on things.

What did you want and not get?
Better Health

Favorite film of this year?
Cars

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I really can not remember. I am still 29 :D)

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Better health, better finances.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Professional.

What kept you sane?
My Husband and Megan.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nick Lachey

What political issue stirred you the most?
Stem cell research.

Who do you miss?
One of my oldest friends we went to grade school together and have lost touch. Its been years since I have spoken to her.

Who was the best new person you met?
A new coworker.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Do what makes your heart sing.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment's grace again
There's so much I left behind Even more that waits in time
Everything's so undefined I'm standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear
Here's my resolution
I'm letting go All I need to learn is along this road
And I just want to be the best man I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution
Living life without a plan
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel Here's my resolution
I'm letting go All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be
'Cause here's my resolution I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be Breathe,
it's my resolution
My resolution (Ooh oh oh)

Tis the season .......... again

2006-12-19T20:59:00.000-06:00

Christmas is here again, and the same wackos are at the mall. Truthfully I wished they would stay home and make fruitcake (favorite recipe to follow).

Since when do people get to use strollers as weapons? When the fuck did this become universally accepable? Well its not Ms. Soccer mom, run over my toes or bang me in the ankles again and may baby Jesus have mercy on your soul because your bleached blonde ass is going to need it.

When did prostitute become the latest fashion trend and why? I have never seen so many ladies of the night at the mall before. If this is the big look this season - I am so glad to be behind the times so to speak. Fuck that, I am keeping my hoo hoo covered thank you Britney & Lindsay.

Seriously though I am not as cranky this year as it seems, I promise.. This year is lower key for us. Less presents less fuss. Soon it will be a new year and with that will bring my new years unresalutions and my anniversary letter to my husband.

Now as promised my favorite fruit cake recipe..

a cup of water
a cup of sugar
four large brown eggs
two cups of dried fruit
a teaspoon of salt
a cup of brown sugar
lemon from your neighbor's tree
nuts from last walnut grove on Piedmont Rd.
a bottle of whiskey.
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Put it down somewhere.
Check the whiskey again.
To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in that large, fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay.
Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer! It's splattered dough everywhere!
Beat two leggs and add to the fluffy bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the tuner.
If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity... Whew is it hot in here ?
Okay.. Next, sift two cups of salt... or something.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon ... urp ... juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table ... spoon ... of sugar or something ... Who cares? Whatever the heck you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Check the whishkey again.
Throw up in the bowl and go to bed.

Sigh Memories of childhood

2006-10-14T12:58:00.000-05:00

You're an 80s kid if...

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You can still jam to the theme song for Thundercats. Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!

7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom

8. Two words: Hammer Pants

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday.
Kids IncorporatedK-I-D-S

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.)

21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (some of us had them in every color)

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds. (skating rink actually! All skate in the oppsite direction)

41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. Don't worry, be happy

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family)

46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49 You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. (still have the cd - thank you very much!)

55. You just sang those words to yourself.

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)

58. You remember when mullets were cool!

59. You had a mullet!

60. You still sing "We are the World"

61. You tight rolled your jeans.

62. You owned a bannana clip.

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

66. You're still singing "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART" in your head, aren't you! ROCK ON!!!

New Look

2006-09-16T00:53:00.000-05:00

Major thanks to one of my bestest friends RadioVixen for the new look. It took hours, I owe you a latte and some cheesecake!!

Thanks again! You are the bomb diggity!

And she grows up..

2006-09-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

Well my baby is 15 now, a freshman and has her very first job. Holy shit when did this happen? I remember very vividly wiping the strained peas off her face. In a few short years this girl child/woman will be going off to college and out into the world. Will she be ready? Have I taught her the skills she will have to possess? Have I shown her what a real woman looks like and behaves?

I won't let her date yet, how is she going to handle paying bills? She forgets to clean her room, how on earth will she remember to lock her doors and go grocery shopping? We can't get her to ditch bad friends and drama; what is she going to do when the bad friend and drama is responsible for half the rent? She doesn't even know how to drive yet.

I have taught her self worth, I am teaching her the value of a dollar. She is experiencing what it is like to want something so very much only to find it is not in her budget, (hence the job). I am hoping she is learning that she can't always take the easy road and that the right thing is not always the fastest and easiest way.

I am teaching her that sometimes you just have to make the best out of a not so good situation. She is a very determined young lady. She can be very stubborn. She will debate with you for hours for something she either wants or if she thinks you are wrong about something.

Is she going to be ready? Better yet will the world be ready for her? I am teaching her how to be a woman, her father is teaching her how to drive.

Walking through the halls of high school.

2006-08-07T22:43:00.000-05:00

So I went surfing around myspace tonight and found the alumni page for my high school. Talk about a flood of memories, and I must admit to being a little homesick. All and all high school was pretty good for me. I was in the drama club and a thespian. Memories of all the plays we did, the scenery built, production deadlines and what not and for a few moments I was back in the halls of Harrison High School. Tight-rolled stone washed jeans and all.

I remember how we all could not wait to be seniors, then to walk out of those school doors for the last time and into the real world. If we only knew then what we do now. Would we have slowed down a little and looked around, hung out at the lockers and talked a bit more?

I think about my friends and wonder what they are doing now? Has life been kind to them? Are they what they had hoped they would be? Have they achieved their dreams, or have they changed them with the passing years? Do they wish that they could change things?

Soon the class of 1992 will have been out into the real world for 15 years, where did the time go? The next time we blink a 20 year class reunion will be here. Will we still judge each other as harshly as we did then, or will we be kinder to each other as time passes?

How many of us will rush to lose that 15 or 20 extra pounds the year before the big 20? Will we discuss stock portfolios or remember the classmates we lost before we even graduated? I remember my friends and hope time and the future have been kind to them, I hope they are kinder to themselves.

My hope for the future? That my daughter slows down, enjoys and cherishes her high school years, they are gone before you know it. Then one night you are sitting at the computer staring at and alumni page and wondering where the years went.

Goodbye My Lover

2006-08-05T02:11:00.000-05:00

I just think this song is pretty - sad but pretty. I have never heard this song before. I ran across it, on youtube.com set with a slide show of pictures of a couple who gave up to soon....

Goodbye My Lover
by James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

The scream heard in 5 states....

2006-08-05T01:19:00.000-05:00

I stepped on the scale last night....For the first time in 5 years. Yes I said 5 years, nope I don't even get on that thing at the doctor's office, yes you can refuse to do so. I don't own a scale. My first thought was "well eating WAS fun, but that's so over now". No more sonic bacon cheeseburgers and onion rings for me! Now I am not totally clueless, yes I knew I was gaining. I had to keep going up in sizes of my jeans. I can now stock my own denim warehouse in various sizes.

I am a pretty tall chica, I stand at 5'11 1/2, and I do know that I am still in my whole height to weight ratio. HOWEVER I am not comfortable, so this is an issue, well and I am vain about this also. I have been this size before and didn't like it then either.

unfortunately my soon to be 15 year old daughter was in the same vicinity I was when I got on the scale, as was my sister-in-law and mother-in-law (I was at my sister-in-law's house). As I came to from the shock at seeing real numbers staring at me, the aforementioned soon to be 15 year old asks if I would like some tips in taking the weight back off. I asked her if she would like the numbers of denture clinics. I guess that hint wasn't enough for her because then she asked when I would be hitting the gym, either that or she REALLY wants a new set of teeth.

Have I mentioned I hate exercise with a passion? I hate to sweat, abhor it actually. Yeah I know its good for you. Phooey, doesn't mean I want to actually do any of it. LOL. However it appears that I am going to have to suck it up and start.

Yeah this is going to be pretty, an out of shape smoker working out, but if I want my back to stop hurting I gotta do something. The extra poundage is not good for my uber fucked up back.
I am going to miss my boobs, that the first thing I lose - the girls shrink big time and that sucks. I really like my curves, boobs and having a butt finally...

*sigh* Guess I will have to buy some.

My 8 hours of being a non smoker, and other musings

2006-07-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

Ok so I voyaged into the world of not smoking today, it wasn't pretty. I can get really mean. I always knew that I could be a world class snot and snobby to boot, but today I was just mean. I did tell my husband that I was sorry and I am.

I know that not smoking is so much better for you than to smoke, I get that I really do. I just like my cigarettes - a LOT. I have been smoking since I was 18. Its comforting. I know the odds I know what can happen, I am a really bright gal.

My other musings -

I have started this whole spend less thing. Spent last week watching Oprah's debt diet series. A lot of that hit home big time for me. It made me see things that I was unaware of about myself. Thing is I was shopping to make myself feel better - the whole retail therapy joke, which can be fine once in awhile. But where its not fine is when you realize that what you bought to make yourself feel better or as a treat is gonna make you feel worse when you can't pay the gas bill.
I also know that I don't want to live like 70% of American's which is pay check to pay check, been there it blows, its time to see how the other 30% roll.

More other musings-

My weight is really starting to bother me. On paper my weight is fine for my height, for my personal comfort it is a bit high. Now before you get all up in arms on me, I do not have an eating disorder or a body image problem. I do however have other health issues that are either better or worse depending on where I am in my weight to height ratio. When I am at the higher end where I am now they are worse. So its time to get healthier, eat better and groan exercise.

Then maybe I will be ready to tackle this smoking issue - until then I am sorry to those I let down, because believe me I do know it and because it is my personality to really worry and get upset when someone is even slightly upset with me, I do feel guilty and like shit.

Finish the sentence.....

2006-07-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

Ok so I "borrowed" this from someone elses blog - deal! My answers are in bold.

Finish the sentence survey.

My ex was... the antichrist.

Maybe I should... workout more, study more, journal more, spend more time with my daughter.

I love... My husband, my daughter, my baby nephew & pedicures.

I don't understand... stupid people.

I lost... time.

People would say that I'm... strong, loyal, silly, beautiful and funny.

Somewhere, someone is... sick of putting up with his shit, no matter how cute he is.

I will always... be true to me.

Forever is... how long I will love my daughter

I never want to... have regrets.

I think the current President... needs new advisors.

When I wake up in the morning... I wish I was independently wealthy and retired

Life is full of... moments, good or bad they are your moments.

My past is incredibly... wow just wow, you wouldn’t believe half the shit I have survived.

I get annoyed when... people play games and lie

Parties are... what you make them.

I wish... to always be blessed.

Dogs... need let out

My cats... are a hoot.

Tomorrow... is Friday!

I really want... To be comfortable and pain free.

I have low tolerance for people who... are stupid, I hate stupid

If I had a million dollars... I would pay off everything, buy a house, my dream car, invest and take a real vacation.

If I could reach you... I'd say please learn from my life.

I'm totally terrified that... I have unresolved issues that will never have closure.

Musings, reflections & a bit of rambling.

2006-05-13T11:50:00.000-05:00

Its mother's day weekend. Which brings to mind lots of memories. In 1993 On May 11 I married my ex-husband, (we have been divorced now for 6 or 7 years, I would have to pull out the papers to be exact .) This weekend would have been 13 years of martial hell. You've come along way baby. I look back at how my life was then, to what it is today and they are worlds apart. I can't remember many happy holidays, but vividly can recall almost every fight.

Fast forward to May 13, 2006 I am happily remarried to a wonderful man, its been a little over 2 years since our magical wedding day. Thoughts of that day still bring me to tears with wonderful memories. I have a nice apartment, a nice car, a good job.

None of which I had then. Back then I was living in government housing, driving a less than safe car as my good car had been repoed. The changes a decade plus can bring are astounding. Even just 5 years ago my life was chaos. I have grown a lot, achieved some peace with past decisions.

I am looking forward to this weekend. Which is something I couldn't always say.

Just drive already

2006-05-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I always end up with the asshole behind me who would rather do anything but drive. In the mornings it is usally some chick putting on her damn makeup or a guy shaving..

UMMM dumbass you do that in the morning BEFORE starting your commute to work.
You wake up late? Well then either be late to work or go makeup less and/or scruffy. Got a phone call pull the hell over. Don't answer the phone, smoke a cigarette and try to drive.

I am sick of those of you who are multitasking putting me and mine in danger.. Drive already damnit!

2006-04-30T14:17:00.000-05:00

I know its been well over a month, such as life. My plate is pretty full at the moment; there is no room for even a smidgen of anything else.

With the teen child its 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. At this rate I should just hand over my 401(k) to her therapist and be done with it. A few weeks back we had a major step back and I ended up in an emergency session with the doctor not just the therapist, but the big gun.

I think her therapist and her shrink need to get on the same damn page of the same fucking book. The doctor says I am moving in the right direction in my parenting, the therapist tells me that I need parenting class.. Between the 2 very different views the teen child has a huge spectrum in which to manipulate the parental folks here. Makes for a very chaotic house.

On April 27, 2006 the worst words in the English language were spoken. Your father has cancer. It seems unreal to even type those words. Now my father and I do not in any way have the ideal relationship, in fact we put the fun in dysFUNction. Nevertheless those words were like a huge punch in the stomach followed by a Chuck Norris style roundhouse kick to the head.
Even now I can't put words to the emotions.

Ironically, yesterday, found me volunteering at a breast cancer survivor luncheon. I sat in a room of 1200 people 95% of the people there were survivors and their co-survivors (husbands, daughters, best friends etc). It was overwhelming and yet inspiring. I sat there trying in vain to control my tears as the stories were shared, hugs were given and laughs were had.

At my table were a mother and daughter both survivors. The daughter was not much older than I am now when she was diagnosed. That just blows my mind. Women my age are not supposed to be a risk group. One woman there was diagnosed at 19.

Right now I am just in my world, isolating myself in order to deal with what is going on. That in and of its self causes me to feel guilty. I just don’t have the energy to deal with other drama at the moment. I just can’t seem to pick up the phone and make a few phone calls that I was supposed to. That makes me feel like a bad friend, which induces more guilt. I keep reminding myself of one thing one of my best friends keeps telling me, “You do not have to keep being someone else’s backbone, its alright to say I can’t right now.”

Teenagers, headaches, fender benders and trips to the emergency room

2006-03-05T16:21:00.000-06:00

What a fucking weekend. I'd call a muligan but I would be afraid of repeating it. Saturday I had a killer headache and was in the middle of trying to detox from a ton of over the counter meds. So in that respect I was living with the pain. Finally Saturday evening I feel some relief, I can think clearly and my head is down to a dull roar. I decide to polish my nails.

Now my nails are a huge deal for me. I am very particular about them, I can't stand chipped or messed up polish in any way shape or form. In saying that you need to realize this means my polish is changed on a weekly basis or sooner if I have a chip or nick. Saturday they were unpolished *gasp*.

I grab my favorite bottle of OPI from my basket and sit on the floor by the side table. I have a coke and Legally Blonde in the DVD player, good time ready to be had by all. The nail polish top is stuck. This thing will not move. So I grasp the bottle tighter to get a better grip and twist. All of a sudden there is a searing pain in my hand and polish everywhere. The bottle had shattered embedding glass in my hand, in the space between my thumb and first finger. There is a huge peice of glass just hanging there out of my hand.

Banker Boy responds by getting me into the bathroom, hand over sink and pulling the glass out. Oh damn I thought I was going to be sick, we then assess that this deems a trip to the emergency room and a $75 dollar co-pay. Toss a towel over bleeding hand and inform sully teenager to get dressed we got to go. Hell you would have thought we would have asked that child to rewrite the magna carta in fucking calligraphy.

2 stiches later and a debate on how I am so not having a tetnus shot, later we head home. I ask for a detour to the gas station for a new coke and a pack of cigarettes. While inside the gas station, some jackass hits my parked car. WTF then he gives attitude because Banker Boy wants a police report.

Fast forward to Sunday. Snotty teenager is STILL trying to take snotty to a whole new level. I am off housework for a week doctor's orders. Banker Boy is out changing the brakes on his truck and transporting his sisters furniture to her new apartment. I kindly request that said teen help me with cleaning up. It would have been easier to ask her to teach the world to sing. At some point in the afternoon she even started arguing with me about arguing with me.

Aparently there is a new language in the world of teens. Clean your room translates to take a 45 minute shower. Your grounded translates to aruging with mom that this does not include going to someones house or having them come here under the guise of homework. Watch your mouth means see how long it takes to make your mothers head explode..

Is it Monday YET????????????

Absolute Frustration

2006-02-27T22:55:00.000-06:00

Yeah I know two posts in one day. Neither post really could be melted into just one so...

In the world of Sweet Potato Queens we have a phrase, dropping one's basket, for regular mortals this simply means at the end of one's rope. Yeah there is that whole tie a knot in it, but there are times when the end of said rope is so frayed it is a real possbility that the knot will not hold.

I find myself with my basket balanced on just a finger tip, swinging back and forth in the breeze, ready to drop. In sort I am so frustrated I can't see straight. I am always tired but have trouble sleeping. In addition to chronic daily headaches for 7 years and counting, I am afraid my stomach is rebelling. Its really no wonder with all the meds I take on a daily basis for pain control which is quickly becomming uncontrolable.

I am tired of taking more meds than any person should ever have to only to get 45 mins of just tolorable pain levels. Its not normal to go through a bottle of 100 count migrane medication in a week and a half, plus living on narcotics. No wonder my stomach is saying alright already its enough. Thing is I don't know what to do, where to turn. Surgery been there done that - now worse off. Anti siezure meds - yeah got that t-shirt.

*sigh*

Nick part deux

2006-02-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

After some clarification by People magazine. I owe Nick a huge I'm sorry. Apparently the asking for jewelry back is not all that it seems. Its a formality that usually occurs when there is the possiblity of who's personal things belong to whom and Nick was simply asking for his personal things..

Nick, Nick, Nick

2006-02-18T11:14:00.000-06:00

Nick hunny, I realize that Jess now makes more money than you do now and I can understand asking for spousal support. However, to ask for jewelry back that you gave as a gift - tres tacky darlin'.

I know your mama taught you better than that, a gift is a gift. Jess is not asking you for the $50,000 watch back or the sports car she gave you. Lick your wounds, put your career back together and move on sugar. In short be a man about this split.

2005 Year in Review

2006-01-01T23:56:00.000-06:00

I borrowed this from a close friend Radiovixen (link to the right). I liked it so much I thought I would add it to my own blog..

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Legally changed my name.

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I do have some for this year however.

Did someone close to you give birth?
Yes

Did anyone close to you die
No

What countries did you visit?
I didn't go out of the country.

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More confidence in my self, a bit more money and less bills.

What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The entire summer - my family went on a journey that I would never wish on anyone.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Dealing with things head on.

What was your biggest failure?
Not protecting my daughter better - having blinders on.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes.

What was the best thing you bought?
My pink and white Christmas tree - it brought me a lot of joy.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends, several delt with mother nature and the aftermath with grace and dignity, going above and beyond.
Megan was my rock during a very rough time, there will never be enough thanks yous or words to describe how grateful I am to call her friend.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People I thought were close friends.

Where did most of your money go?
Bills and meds

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
This year being over.

What song will always remind you of 2005?
Rascal Flatts Moving On

Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or hardened? Hardened
thinner or fatter? Thinner
richer or poorer? Richer

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging with friends & laughing

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying

How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
More in love than I already was

Any one-night stands?
No

What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
There are several people that never need to speak to me again.

What was the best book you read?
Memoirs of a Geshia

What was your greatest musical discovery?
The off button on my daughter's rap

What did you want and get?
Help in the office

What did you want and not get?
Better Health

Favorite film of this year?
Memoirs of a Geshia

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to dinner & my husband bought me a beautiful ring. I am still 29 :D)

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
For my family to have not gone through the 10th leval of hell.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
LA Law meets Sex in the City

What kept you sane?
My friends specifically Megan

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nick Lachey

What political issue stirred you the most?
The Terri Schivo case.

Who do you miss?
One of my oldest friends we went to grade school together and have lost touch. Its been years since I have spoken to her.

Who was the best new person you met?
I would have to say Toyna.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: It's seriously too short and your life doesn't last too long so you've got to jump at the chance when it hangs in front of you. Don't wait. (I loved this answer so much I am borrowing this also!

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get byBut I will tryI will try
Wipe the tears from my eyesI'm beautifully brokenAnd I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully brokenAnd I don't care if I show it
Everyday is a new dayI'm reminded of the past
Every time there's another stormI know that it won't last
Every moment I'm filled with hope cause I got another chance
But I will tryI will try
Got nothingLeft to hide
Without the highs and the lows
Where would we go
Where would we go

I have been tagged

2005-12-29T18:10:00.000-06:00

One of my closest friends, Radiovixen tagged me, and said my blog needed updating so here are my answers.

Four jobs you've had in your life: Waitress, hostess, webmistress, currently a paralegal

Four movies you could watch over and over: Steel Magnolias, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmyer, Fried Green Tomatoes, Grease 2

Four places you've lived: California, Florida, Germany, Colorado.

Four TV shows you love to watch: ER, Greys Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Dr 90210

Four websites you visit daily: Sweetpotatoqueens, The courts website.

Four of your favorite foods: Egg Rolls, steak, sausage biscuits & gravy, shrimp.

Four places you'd rather be: The beach in Florida - thats it thats the list

Four albums you can't live without: damn all my stuff is mixed CD's Pat Benatar's greatest hits, Match Box Twenty (any of them), Lisa Marie Prestly's Now What, Prince Purple Rain.

Its the season to be freaking jolly.

2005-12-12T18:26:00.000-06:00

Gimmie a break - Jolly my ass.

If it is the season to be jolly then why is the day after Thanksgiving referred to as Black Friday? Want to see just how jolly it is. Go to Toys R Us that Friday and watch how jolly the parents are as they claw, scream, bite and punch their way to this years "gotta have it toy".

These oh so jolly people are the same people who will steal your parking spot at the mall after you have circled the parking lot for 45 mins looking for ANY spot not already occupied, then they will have the nerve to flip you off as you slam on your breaks to avoid hitting their car as you look at them in utter shock.

Once you make it into the mall, you will be treated to frazzled mothers yelling, screaming tantrum throwning, snot running from their nose "little angels". As dear old dad looks around fervently wishing that aliens would come kidnap him and anal probe him because that would be more pleasant than dealing with the fruit of his loins and the haggard shrew that was once his glowing bride. Yeah Jolly whatfreakinever!

If you procrastinate on shopping the above scene only gets worse, the only thing that will save your ass now is a super Wal-mart at 3 am, or Christmas shopping at the local gas station.

After you brave all of this in search of the perfect gift for the oh so picky Aunt Enda, pain staking gift wrap it in the perfect paper. Carefully transport it to the specified family gathering place and smilingly hand it to her. She will then rip the paper to shreds, turn said object in all directions then look at you as if you punched in the nose and gave her tickets to the nearest fat farm and say "Well I see you grabbed the first thing you saw in the discount bin at the dollar store".

Next year do yourself a favor purchase gift certificates on-line and then book yourself a week at the spa..

Tis the season to be freaking jolly... Bite me Santa

Perceptions..

2005-11-30T23:26:00.000-06:00

Dictionary.com defines perception as

per·cep·tion () Pronunciation Key (p r-s p sh n)n.
The process, act, or faculty of perceiving.
The effect or product of perceiving.
Psychology.
Recognition and interpretation of sensory stimuli based chiefly on memory.
The neurological processes by which such recognition and interpretation are effected.

Insight, intuition, or knowledge gained by perceiving.
The capacity for such insight.
[Middle English percepcioun, from Old French percepcion, from Latin percepti , percepti n-, from perceptus, past participle of percipere, to perceive. See perceive.]

The definition sounds so cold when you think about what peoples perceptions do to you and your psyche.

How does what others think about you effect you? Does it matter? What if it was a friend? Most will say they don’t care what others think. Yeah whatever. To some degree we do care, some care too much.

What happens when a friend doesn’t like something about you, or says that you have changed and now they are not sure about you or your actions. (To be clear I am referring to drug or alcohol abuse.) I am referring to the normal ebb and flow of life. Every situation changes a person to some degree. This can not be helped its just a fact of life.

Does that give someone the right to tell you that you have changed too much; or that they are not sure of your behavior? What if you can’t help it? Some situations that you deal with are bound to leave you angry, hurt, or depressed to a degree. You walk away from every hill, every journey with something about you and your character different.

How do you then deal with people turning their backs on you because of the changes? Do you fake it so that they are comfortable? Do you get through that journey changed a bit yet again and move on? Is it right for the other person to impose their will on you so that you act exactly they way they want or so that you never grow or expand? How do you recover from people turning away from you because you are not and can not be who you once were?

Random thoughts

2005-08-26T22:57:00.000-05:00

Its been forever since I updated. This has been the never ending summer. Between my own surgery and illness to my family having multiple surgical proceedures to my 14 year old tossing our family head first in the deep end of mental issues, I am really looking forward to the end of this summer.

I am tired both physicially and mentally and to be honest the universe can find someone else to go pick on for a change, I'm kinda done. At the beginning of this I put on my big girl panties and delt, at this point I'm looking for my blankie and the fetal position.

The shit people do

2005-07-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

The last few weeks of my life have been one hell of a ride. I am drained, yet it amazes me the shit people do and try to pull. The level of stupid people achieve is astounding.

I have been informed that I should no longer be allowed in public unsupervised any longer, or at any rate Target, let me assure you I am in fact a grown woman and this "lady" deserved it.

I was picking up a few items after work and not really in a shopping mood persay more of a toss it in the cart and lets go mood. I came around the corner and saw this woman on a cell phone with a toddler in a cart, and 2 older children ages about 5 and 7 running willy nilly through out the store. Every once in a while she would stop her conversation and whine, y'all stop running away from me. After a little bit of this I promptly went over to her put a sweet smile on my face and told her to get her ass off her damn cell phone and tend to her children before she was the next sobbing soul I saw on the 10:00 news talking about how she only turned her sorry back for a second and they were gone.

This digressed to her saying "Well I NEVER" to which I replied "Maybe you shouldn't have and saved us all 2 snot nosed brats you don't/won't parent that in a few years have decided that the world OWES something to. She informed me that I shouldn't be allowed in public alone, I infomed her it was to bad that citizens have to pass 3 different tests to drive a car legally but any one can procreate.

30 Things you would love to say at work.

2005-06-01T14:11:00.000-05:00

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2 How about never? Is never good for you?
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
4. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
7. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
8. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
9. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
10. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
12.Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
13. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
14. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
15. What am I flypaper for freaks?
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be..?
18. Do I look like a people person?
19. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
20. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
21. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
22. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
23. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
24. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
25. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
26. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
27. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
28. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
29. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
30. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

The evils of Sonic and Predisone

2005-05-31T15:38:00.000-05:00

My doctor put me on predisone to chill out my sinuses and get me ready for surgery next week. Predizone makes me PMS no matter if "Aunt Flo" is scheduled to appear or not. Sonic has come out with a new Cookie Dough breeze.

Yesterday, while my darling Banker Boy (my husband) and I were at Sonic I happened to notice this wonderful treat on the ordering board, but not until after I had already attempted to order a Reese peanut buttercup blast and settled for an M&M one. Then and only then do I see the new poster. I decided that right there I must have one and forget the M&M crap.

Enter the problem - I am not the one driving and therefore do not have access the the little push button on the box that summons the faceless voice inside. Banker Boy's first though is no honey you already ordered. To which I smile and replied "But I don't want that one any longer and it won't taste the same". We debate this for a few minutes and watch as everyone else around us gets their orders. After about 5 minutes, Banker Boy decides they have taken this long they can change the order anyhow. (Plus I think aliens return his brain in this short time frame.) He pushes the button and informs another faceless voice that we want to change the order. I think he also remembered in those short minutes that the medication makes me bawl at the drop of a hat and he didn't have any tissues or the desire to sleep on the couch.

I am sure that the faceless woman who has taken the request is cussing me up one side and down the other because it appears that she had finally just made the original order. I didn't feel to bad for to long, I must have my cookie dough.

We get back home (we live 2 minutes from the Sonic) and I stick my spoon in the wonderful looking concoction. Take a bite and it is heavenly. It was worth all of the fuss to make it mine.

The predisone is still evil, between the cravings and the mood swings, but at least I have a Sonic Cookie Dough Blast band aid to make it a bit easier to endure.

The resume of all resumes

2005-05-26T00:58:00.000-05:00

In our office mail today we received a resume. We are not hiring but tend to get an occasional one anyway. This folks was the resume to top them all. As well all know your resume speaks volumes about you before the face to face interview. To impress it needs to be the best of what you have right? If this is the best that this poor soul has I don't want to meet them on a bad day.

It starts off like a typical resume, education yaada yaada. Then it goes on to explain that they took the bar exam twice and did not pass. Ok no biggie. This personal also has a BA in English, but no certifiate (hmmm you think, yeah I did too.) Then it gets really good.

The person has experience in food service working at Burger King (I think we all have had some sorta fast food job at one point in life) however they are no longer there due to drug addiction (since abandoned) <~ yes this comment really appears after this in this manner. And food service is impossible because acquired Hepatitus C.

They then go on to explain a 17 year absence from the work force due to a recent (yep they speficied recent) recovery from schizophrenia.

It is ended by stating that their hobbies include writing short stories (one novel) and that they would like to take banjo lessions.. (insert theme from Delverance here).

There are no skills listed, and due to the fact it was written on an old fashioned type writer, typos and all, makes one question computer skills. I think one of my favorite parts is that it is titles RESUME and underlined at the top.

This resume makes all Human Resource workers everywhere shudder. This Darlin's is no way to write a resume.

First entry

2005-05-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

Wow first post. Often these are like first dates and you never know what to say. Lets see I am 29 (ok thats what I will admit to ;-) ) Married, a mother to a 13 year old girlchild with an attitude. I have 2 cats that I adore.

I am a SPQ (sweet potato queen) and play often on the message board. I am a Paralegal, Hubby is a Bank Manager. The past few weeks I have been hit with some sort of off the wall virus no one can quite figure out. All the doctors can do is pat me on the head hand me a script and charge me a co-pay.

How to spot a bad girl

2005-05-01T04:50:00.000-05:00

Bad girls sip only champagne and cocktails - not beer, wine, sherry, mineral water, cafe latte, or Darjeeling tea. Think Martinis, Stingers, Black Russians. Bad girls prefer spandex, halters, high heels, fishnet stockings, silk, suede, leather, or white satin cut on the bias and black satin cut down to here.

Bad girls have blond, raven or flaming tresses, red mouths and nails. Think Mae West, Rita Hayworth, Ava Gardner. But the baddest girls have mousy brown hair. Bad girls wear capri pants, mules, cashmere or mohair twinsets, silk scarves covering their pin curls and black sunglasses to the grocery store, then don black tuxedos and silver fox boas at night.Bad girls are in touch with their inner bitch because they run with dobermans wearing studded black leather collars.

Bad girls travel to Vegas with their ex's gold card while their own name is still on it. Are passionately loyal to their friends. Have been known to torture those who break the hearts of pals. Bad girls call the psychic friends network. Have their own astrologer. Know a cusp is not an intimately transmitted condition.

Bad girls listen to Billy Holiday. Know the importance of regular waxing. Bad girls exercise muscles the rest of us don't even know we have. Bad girls smell expensive and never leave the house without wearing fabulous earrings. Read Nietzsche. Buy the National Enquirer. Can pronounce Goethe and recite Fleurs du Mal. Bad girls use cigarette holders; really bad girls attend cigar dinners.Bad girls like disguises: they like presenting themselves as perfect moms, ice princesses, and librarians.

Bad girls are passionate while the rest of the world is cool. Prefer gold to silver. Bare their midriffs, never their souls. Bad girls make hay on Ralph Lauren sheets. Bad girls never marry for love which is why they often change their names. Really bad girls have numbered bank accounts. Bad girls know it's not the cards your dealt but how well you play your hand. Bad girls win at blackjack. Vacation at backgammon tournaments in Monaco. Frequent pool halls but shoot billards. Have a bookie, accountant, and lawyer on retainer.

Bad girls send large checks to good causes and never take a tax deduction. Bad girls don't just want to have fun, they make sure they do. Bad girls are committed to the philosophy of personal pleasure.Most of us are only bad girls in our dreams. But there's a pattern in bad-girl lifestyle that deserves contemplation. Bad girls buy what they want to buy, eat what they want to eat, wear what they want to wear, sleep when they want to sleep.

Bad girls do not have therapists because they don't need them. Instead, they have housekeepers and masseuses.Bad girls realize this isn't a dress rehearsal. Real life is what you make of it.You can be bad. You can be good. You just sure as hell better be authentic."