Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Confess Sess

Its Wednesday's confessional..

I must say I am enjoying my job change.  For the first time in a long time I actually took a lunch, left the office and went and picked up a salad. Came back and ate it while reading a few chapters of my newest book on my kindle in the cloud.

I have been jamming to Prince in my office all day.  I've been looking for the rarer CD's and am pretty proud of my acquisition of the Gold Experience its been out of circulation for a long time and even when it was new it was a limited release.

I started reading the first book of The Preston Six - its pretty good - Thankfully the rest of the books are on Kindle as well and are pretty easy on pricing.

It's rained so much lately I've wondered when I moved to Seattle and someone forgot to tell me.

I'm looking forward to my 4 day weekend - I took Tuesday off as well.

I'm super excited for Through the Looking Glass..

My new office is smaller but somehow feels nicer being cozier - my other office I always felt as though half of it was wasted space.

I am looking for Starwars pictures for the walls.

I need to start decluttering my house - I have a TON Of things my mother decided I needed - I need to NOT feel guilty about purging them. I am not a huge fan of having tons of crap. She is a hoarder who has all of her things ALL off her mothers things - my grandmother died in 1997....

 looked into that KonMarie method - though I am not thanking my things for what they have done for me that day, apparently she thanks her shoes for caring her through the day as she takes them off, her clothes for serving purpose and on and on. I get not keeping anything that doesn't make your heart sing but I draw the line at thanking my shoes..

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Monday, May 23, 2016

The One Where the Car Ate My Couch

Some how when you are driving an older car it just knows you have funds saved and a plan for it.  We were going to go couch shopping over the weekend Made plans to go on Sunday, I had checked out the Furniture Mall out on line had looked a few possibilities picked a few to go look at and my car said yeah nope.

Wednesday on my way home the car started acting wonky. I limped it home and then decided it needed to go to the shop we always use. I just made it. Pulled in with a crap ton of racket the car shuddered and all the dash light came came on. The power steering belt had broke taking out the alternator belt and some other belt was shredded in the engine bay.. Fun times! It also was misfiring and 3 spark plugs were fouled out. WEEEEE! The icing -- It needed a font brake job and roters as they were original - did I mention the car is a 2002...

My mechanic said do the work it will last through the Summer then you can think about trading it in. OK lets do it. Oh and in a few weeks it needs new tires.. YAY!!  So he does the work I go to pick up the car and Bill says hey you know its still a really solid car. Yeah it has cosmetic issues - read rust from the boat ride to the US. However it should last you a few more years.. I looked at him and said wait what?? Seriously?? Then fix the AC.  So it went back in today to get that done.  No AC in a Midwest summer sucks ass.

Suddenly not having the new couch isn't that big of a deal - I'll go to home goods and get new pillows for it.  I wasn't really ready to get a new car, yeah I talk about it but I am really really fond of my car and pretty attached - rust and all. Plus hello a few more years of NO CAR PAYMENTS - that ROCKS! I haven't had a car payment in over 7 years. I'm okay with that..

So back to saving....

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Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Life Lately ..

I've been staring at a blank blogger page for days now.  Every time I started to blog I got called away for other things..

Its been a busy few weeks.  My job was reorganized when a key team member decided to relocate south. So I am getting a handle on the new things.

A few weeks ago I was adopted by this lil guy, meet Griffin - my long haired Maine Coon baby..

I forgot how much fun and how active kittens are.  These were taken his first day home - I think he settled in just fine.  Now days he's waking me up anywhere between 1 and 4 am for lovins.  He's so lucky he's so cute..  He's also hanging out with me in the bathroom in the morning while I am getting ready for work.

I cut more of my hair off and the pink is gone. At times I do miss the longer pink hair but this is a TON easier to deal with.

I've been going through my closets and ditching all of my clothes that are to big, no use hanging on to them plus I need closet space!! Said EVERY WOMAN .

I hit these miles stones this week:

And this is at the 10 mile mark of the 2nd part of the Alice Adventures race.. This medal is a rabbit. Looking so forward to part 3 - the Cheshire Cat!!

For the first time in a long while I read over the weekend - finished 3 books. I wasn't really on social media much. Now I am searching for my next read... whats good??? 

 What have you been up to lately? 

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Friday, April 22, 2016

Getting Through This Thing Called Life

I am honestly stunned at yesterday's news. It was not a headline I expected to hear anytime soon in regards to Prince. I know no one did. In reality there are people who you hear have passed and you think, hmm that's sad but not unexpected.  Hearing Prince died was a "wait, what the hell did I see/hear" moment. Followed up with a its gotta be an internet hoax. 

Then the big news stations started carrying the story and for the first time a decade MTV went back to doing what they did best playing music videos. Monuments everywhere lit up purple and a rainbow appeared over Paisley Park.

This video is beyond awesome - its the first time Purple Rain was ever play publicly, it has extra verses and a longer into than was ever on the album.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Dude Wheres My Blog Post....

Wednesday confessions...

I have another hair appointment Saturday - I got fed up and the hair has numbered days.. it shall sleep with the fishes..

I have hit the itchy stage of tattoo healing.... ugh the worst.

I got Raz's ashes back yesterday and had a total meltdown... I seriously miss my kitty. This is the first time in my life there has not been a furbaby in my house.  I am still walking up in the mornings and my first though is careful not to step on the cat....  Not handling this well at all.

I have tickets to the Mackelmoore and Ryan Lewis concert in June.. I CAN NOT wait.

I bought a ring sized for my middle finger .... it says fuck. I can't wait for it to ship..

I joined a virtual race solely based on the finishers medal... Tell me that's not bad ass.. Just 17 more miles to go and its MINE.

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Sunday, April 10, 2016

Odds, Ends and Broken Hearts (Updates)

Every time I go to get back in to the swing of blogging something happens and I get sidelined. Work has been intense and ever changing.

The fitness challenge I was in on Facebook ended March 31st.  We came in second.  I'll take it, especially since 1st went to two professional trainers. This happened the last week of the challenge..

I also went back to my stacked bob hair style - not much length came off but enough to make a huge difference with the sheer volume and texture of my hair. Pictures really don't do that pink justice its so vibrant in person.

Wednesday I lost my big guy. 5 years and two days after I lost Angel. I'm not doing really well with it. I had him for 15 years. He followed me around everywhere in typical maincoon fashion I was his person. He would be by my feet in the mornings to escort me to the bathroom and lay at my feet while I did my makeup and hair.  Then he would follow me to the door when I left for work and be waiting for me there when I got home each night.  At the end he laid in my arms purring and patting my face.  I miss my buddy so much.

Saturday I went and got new ink.. Ironic that a tattoo that says breathe in Tibetan script was a complete exercise in patience to get.  Saturdays are tattoo walk in days so your advised to get there early and stand in line. I did was that at 10:30 shop opens at noon. I was 5th in the line and still didn't get in until 3. I had to leave to go eat again since breakfast had long since left me as well as my protein bar.

 My artist's first tattoo of the day proved to be a first timer who was difficult to ink. 4.5 hour wait, total tattoo time 33 minutes from start to finish. Then I spent 2 hours at 3 stores trying to find antibacterial soap with NO fragrance in it... No such thing exists. Gold Dial now has fragrance.

Finally just got the gold dial after calling the tattoo shop to confirm that was still the best for aftercare. 

Its a strange angle to take a picture of its a vertical tattoo so its read from the top down to the wrist and not left to right.
Saturday was a long day. We picked up the newest Street Fighter so once I finally got home we attempted to start playing only to discover there are an hour of updates to the game already.. Downloaded those and watched The Blind Spot.  At 10 pm I decided I did not want to go anywhere the next day so we go up and his Walmart to grocery shop.

I plan to do not much of a damn thing today... I just want to decompress and get ready for next week.

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Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Wednesday Confessions on a Deeper Level

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook a few weeks back - and it resonated with me.

Then this morning I read an article on elephant journal titled The Secret Language of Narcissists: How Abusers Manipulate their Victims.

I've always had a really rough relationship with my mother that exploded when I was a teenager. I am supposed to be getting together with her this weekend for my birthday.  Ever since that phone call, which was the first contact in a almost 2 months after I attempted to put some boundaries in place that pissed her off and she got nasty and hung up on me, my anxiety has been mounting.

I truly don't want to see her. I will because well social convention and all.  Its also simply easier to stuff my own anxiety and comfortableness than deal with the emotional blackmail and bullshit she will pull if I don't. Which most often includes calling family members to cry about how I hurt her feelings and hate her. Up to and including my mother in law.

People really don't for the most part get who she really is and the games she plays.  I get told a LOT you should call your mom, shes your MOM  the only mom you'll ever get and one day you won't have her. Then how will you feel.  Uh to be blunt just like I do right fucking now.  Hurt, pissed and abandoned, upset that it could never be anything other than what it is - which is a truly dysfunctional relationship of which no one can even imagine the depths of fuckedupness it possesses.  If they could I'd never get chastised for attempting to set boundaries and breaking off contact. 

This woman has lied to me my entire life about almost everything big shit - like who my biological father was, little shit like if jewelry that was a gift was real. Who's telling her hey do better try harder that's your daughter.. not a damn person.  In the mean time she's running around trash talking to anyone who will listen and re-writing history to suit her.  Anything I have accomplished she has attempted to take credit for, anything bad she either contributed to or decided I did it to spite her.  Like being pregnant at 17, she looked at me and said you did this to me on purpose. Yeah my jaw is still on the floor over that.

Over the years she has both attempted to take all credit for any success and or belittle anything I have done. Everything I have everything I am was in spite of her. My successes are not hers. At one point when asked by an acquaintance what her daughters did my mother ran through one is a CPA and owns her own business, one is an executive at a major corporation, one is no longer able to work due to lupus and this one (pointing to me) talks on the phone all day.  My "talking on the phone all day" translated to working electronic surveillance assisting law enforcement for one of the 4 major cell phone companies. Today if you ask her what I do her answer will also make it sound like I do very little if anything at all, truth of the matter I actually work in the Tech Industry as an executive. She defines it as playing computer games all day. 

Yes I roll my eyes all the cliche sayings about mothers and how you should call them often because you're the only one who knows what her heart sounds like from the inside (insert vomit noise here) and once they are gone you will miss them.  Yes my brain shuts down when you start telling me what I should do and what my responsibilities are as a daughter. You don't know, please stop adding to the guilt I have lived with my entire life because of my mother.  She's the best at guilt trips and I have been on many. One day I hope to unpack the baggage from them all.  Assisting her on sending me on another one does not help.

Well meaning people who are clueless at the damage done and the abuse suffered urge contact and turning the other cheek. Honestly what you are asking is that I ignore me and my boundaries stuff my anxiety in able to ignore me and pretend. You are telling me that her needs and wants are more important than my own which buys into her mind set and fuels her.  No thanks, frankly I think I will just go apologize to my own daughter for not being a better mother simply because I didn't know how to be one. 

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